How do I be open, free, trusting, vulnerable, and inspiring if I often feel small, afraid, confused, and anxious? What I am learning is that I must choose over and over and over again. I have dealt with low-grade but consistent anxiety for much of my life. Anxiety is uncomfortable. Each impending choice often feels like “regret in anticipation of making a decision”. I have become aware that many of my actions, decisions, and behaviors reflect an attempt to just make myself feel a bit better.
Through heightened awareness, meditation, and a commitment to wanting to change, it has become a bit easier to acknowledge and accept the uncomfortable feelings for what they are, which reduces their power a bit. But it’s still a constant battle (a harsh word, I know) to deal with the limiting beliefs that want to usurp as much of my consciousness as possible.
…hence the paramount priority of changing my ways of being.
This week was tough. I switched to the corporate group and I am slowly learning the ropes and I often feel kind of useless. When I am bored and anxious, I create space in my consciousness for my limiting beliefs to run roughshod – i.e. the negative feedback loops that have surfed my synapses for decades – what are you going to do with your life? How are you going to figure it out? What are your goals? What is your vision? Should I go to school? What are my talents? What are my skills? How do I make the most of this opportunity… uh, I don’t know, but this is uncomfortable. But I am committed to getting to a place of THESE ARE THE THINGS THAT I GET TO DO. And I am grateful for this work and this community whose insight and support is like a warm bath.
So on to my results:
Goal one (finding a career path) saw paltry results this week at work. But this week I am committed to introducing myself to two new attorneys that I don’t work with and continuing the networking process. (Coaching on this goal is most welcomed)
Goal two (Health and Wellness):
-Meditated twice (not 4x)
-In addition to home workouts, went to the gym once (not 2x)
-Put on Tefilin 4x (Jewish prayer ritual) (not 6x)
Goal three (Fun and Recreation):
-Went to Brooklyn for PSP life (grateful to be a part of this group)
-Went to Hadar and Naomi’s coffee (beautiful evening of 7 people connecting around a table)
-Had a lovely Shabbat Buddy get together.
-Had my folks over for Sunday Brunch – Bagels and Lox, need I say more?
Have an empowered week,