Work has been slow. When work is slow my not-good-enough nerd kicks into overdrive and I create elaborate stories of how I am a mediocre employee, stoking the fear fire. But as you know, my biggest PSP goal has been to work on my ways of being. This week I embraced the opportunity that comes with a slow week and went out each night. One night, I went to the gym after work (the first time since I started this new job, (not gig-Naomi)), and it felt amazing! I quickly recalled just how essential hitting the gym is to my physical, and more importantly, emotional health. I ran a couple of important errands (repairing a winter jacket, getting reading glasses), started engaging in some wonderful flirting with a girl that was introduced to me by a fellow LP, and had a number of great calls with Community members.
I am continuing to learn that I cannot and should not try to control my emotions and feelings. But I can always choose how I respond to them. As I ran today in the winter wonderland that is Central Park, and all of these thoughts raced around my head, I felt a deep sense of gratitude, and focused on just being present and thankful for all the things that I have right now – health, job, shelter, loving family, supportive friends. It’s really that simple.
My ways of being continue to inform my “results”. I am recognizing more and more how important it is for me to be in and of service. I yearn for connection.
Looking forward to another week where I get to work on my ways of being. I am also mindful that there are still outstanding things on my PSP that I get to tackle (making a Shabbat meal, having an AdvancedEd coffee).