Hadar: Week 2…where oh where is my integrity?

Goal 1 – Enrollment
Accomplishments: Set date for Coffee, share with PSPLifers, invite 3-5 people depending on responses to ensure minimum 2 yeses. Did not follow through on this goal AT ALL. Dunno what’s going on and will do some thinking on this momentarily.

What I did accomplish: emailed 3 people about the guest event in Philly and invited a friend for Friday night dinner where he agreed to enroll in the Basic this week! Don’t get too excited, he then backed out today and I have yet to be real with him about it.

Steps for next week: Be real with my buddy about what he wants from the course and why he said yes and check in with at least 2 others – not about the course but about getting out of life what they want.

Goal 2 – Excellence at work
Accomplishments: As noted in my journal from last week, I was having a pretty good week by half-way through. Additional items include sourcing a location and some participants for my next panel, and a speaker from Google for a session on non-profits.

To Dos: Finalize a location and invitation for cocktails on the 21st, get 1 or 2 additional speakers plus the pre-reception guest for the 29th, make some headway with a new cohort, get information to marketing for the next few events and start making calls regarding outstanding pledges.

To Bes: – Be vulnerable, open and input-seeking to feedback from my supervisor and team members; Be communicative; Be systematic and organized.

The bigger work issues that is coming up for me these days is not getting a sufficient break from work once I’m home – I often check my email nearly last thing at night and nearly first thing in the morning…leaving me no room or time to decompress. The effect is that I’m wound up constantly and as it consumes my mind I neither have the space or capacity for higher level thinking (since my brain is focused on details of the moment), nor am I open to feedback as I feel fully absorbed in the work already.

One of my goals, therefore, is to excel at work while at work and with minimal input when not at the office. I am going to focus on disconnecting from work when I feel I have put in the time for the day and give myself the freedom to use my life for other things, such as exercising, meeting with friends, doing crossword puzzles and more.

My buddy asked a great question about why I wasn’t giving myself this freedom already and one of the items that came up was feeling worried that the position might not last if I didn’t give it my all. That isn’t a real concern to me, and moreover, I think I am likelier to perform worse when I don’t give myself distance than when I do. Without having that question and the realization, however, I would have kept up a frenetic and frenzied pace that would not have benefited me or my employer.

To return back to Enrollment, and thank you Emileah for calling me after my last journal post, I’m still not sure what’s going on there. I’m going to offer up rather blandly that I’m feeling somehow out of integrity and will these week dedicate brain time to thinking through in what specific ways, what’s causing it and what the effects are, aside from pushing off my Coffee. Generally speaking, when I’m not in touch with my transformed self, possibilities and approach to life, I don’t want to discuss transformation with others. As such, I have to commit to reengaging my powerful self before I can support others in their search.

Here comes another powerful week!!

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