Been feeling pretty jazzed up this week. Had an opportunity to stretch Monday and Tuesday but didn’t go for it because of conversations. Nevertheless, I’ve basically been feeling pretty damn inspired. I’m starting to enjoy that feeling of “I’m really nervous but I want to do it” again.
Gotta work on consistency. Making sure I stick to my schedule. I’ve been getting it done in the end, but it’s been very patchwork-y.
A couple lines that were on my mind this week were:
- Focus on what you want, rather than what you don’t want. (i.e. focus on the solution, not the problem)
- What is your vision? (Thanks Em!)
Went to the gym this week. Made a milestone in my deadlift (my favorite/most hated lift), and I’m on track to meet another milestone. Finally prepared my second recipe! Well, more of a technique. I made a bunch of chicken stock that’s sitting in my freezer. Haven’t decided what to do with it yet, but I got an incredibly versatile ingredient in my freezer that I can use. Awesome.
A lot of the progress on this goal feels pretty darn gradual, rather than very distinct, profound epiphanies. It’s really awesome being able to see the difference in the conversations that I have now vs. those that I had in January.
One of my biggest things is that I feel that I don’t have a good, creative outlet. I’ve always thought about doing something music related, but always put it on the backburner. I’m gonna start looking into getting an instrument or maybe look into digital music production. Not sure where I want to take this at the moment, but I know it’s definitely something I want to do.
I’ve just been really feeling this goal, and I’m glad I picked this one. Thanks, Kyla. Your comment on my PSP draft made me reconsider my original goal. Looking back, I don’t think I would’ve actually been committed towards that original goal.
My story here is about enrollment! I randomly met someone at the gym who went to my college and knew a bunch of my mutual friends. We started talking about weight lifting, programming, careers, and our futures. He was just about to graduate, and he asked me what my life was like post-graduatation. I talked about feeling empty after graduating and how I got into Adv. Ed. and all that stuff. He asked me for their info and I messaged him later that night.
It was really interesting because it didn’t feel like I was doing anything. I was just talking about my experiences and how I felt. I guess I’m starting to really get a taste of what enrollment is. In the past, it felt really forced. Now, it was just me being me.
I was playing Minecraft this weekend. For anyone who doesn’t know, it’s a sandbox game where you basically collect resources and build buildings, farms, contraptions, statues, etc. Basically it’s like electronic Lego.
One of my biggest issues with it is that I’m a massive perfectionist, and I think and think and think a lot about every single detail. Do these decorations match? Do the colors work? Is there too much detail going on? Is it too bland? Are the walls spaced correctly? What kind of theme should I go for, medieval or minimalist-modern? It goes on and on and on.
I was trying to plan my design, but I was largely being negative around it. essentially spent 30 minutes running around in-game just complaining. I noticed that I kept focusing on what I didn’t want rather than what I actually did want. As I made the shift, I suddenly felt all of my creative juices flowing in me.
This is something that, up until now, showed up MASSIVELY in my life. I get lost in analysis paralysis because I’m always afraid to make a choice because it rules out the possibility that I could’ve made another choice. I’m afraid that I would end up being stuck with that choice. So I just end up stuck in a limbo where I make no choices. I would tell myself that I’m actually keeping the possibilities open by not committing to a choice, when in reality, not commiting to a choice is a choice in itself.
Also, thanks Em for sending that message on WhatsApp! Made me think of my cradle song, and I started listening to it after everyone left the office. Not even ashamed to say I cried a bit. 🙂