CY – Cycle 2 – Week 5 – Can’t think of a title!

Submittied 10 minutes after deadline. I could blame it on my Internet going out at 11:50 pm, but I could’ve prevented the whole thing by typing this up earlier. Hmm, where else in my life do I do things last minute?

Punchline

Had a couple of moments where I felt pretty powerful and supportive. Had a breakdown where I got to take a look at what triggers me (thanks buddy~!) and how to work through it. Took on a programming side-project that may be more than I can chew, but I thought it would be a good stretch. But I’m having conversations around that.

Major Goal

Been maintaining my gym habits. Feeling pretty good about that, making progress in my lifts. Once I hit a 315lb deadlift for 5 reps, I’m declaring that I will start the couch to 5k program. I need some cardio.

My diet goal has been comfortable. I haven’t begun counting calories or macro-nutrients or etc. I say that I’m just working on building habits and maintaining consistency, but I know part of me just hasn’t been putting my heart into this part.

Minor Goal

I’ve been really digging this goal, though I haven’t been focusing too much on the exercises themselves. It just felt more like a gradual, organic growth in my confidence.

A friend of mine called me for coaching when I was a little stoned. At first, I didn’t want to pickup the phone because historically I get socially anxious, paranoid, I question everything I say or think, etc. around people while high. But as we got into the conversation, I really got into it and was able to create a breakthrough in her breakdown.

The same friend called me at 4:30 am Saturday morning. She was on vacation with a few friends in Florida. Really long story short, they lost their hotel reservations and they thought this suspiciously-friendly (i.e. creepy, scary, and supposedly well-connected) guy was trying to following them. So I basically helped find them a place to stay in a foreign state while helping them plan how to get away from the creepy dude. At 4:30 am while tired and scared for their safety. After the initial “what the fuck just happened” wore off, I honestly felt pretty powerful for being able to support my friends in such a way.

I don’t think these experiences would’ve went so well if I haven’t been focusing on self-love this cycle. So yay. With this one specific friend, I’ve been giving her coaching every now and then and she’s been willing to be very vulnerable with me. She said that she’s seen a massive change in who I am after doing LP. I honestly feel pretty proud that someone I really care about is willing to trust me with her issues and that whole Florida situation. I’m going to take it as feedback that I’m powerful and awesome. 🙂

Storytime

I had a breakdown with my mom on Friday. I experienced her as nagging me to finish a particular task, and I got annoyed quickly. I thought I was handling the situation much better than my mom since I experienced her as not wanting to be responsible for things I was being responsible about. I tried to keep my cool but I guess “tried” is the keyword here. After speaking to my buddy, I realized that I get to be responsible for the interaction even if I think I’m right about the argument.

I agreed to help a friend with a programming project. It would be a good stretch and a good opportunity, but I’m having conversations around balancing work and recreation since this would be a large undertaking in addition to my full-time job and other commitments. But my partner said it would be a slow, long-term thing, so I guess we’ll see how it goes.

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