Week started out fantastic. I was super on top of my shit, until I burnt out Saturday and basically did nothing for about 48 hours. Pretty good learning experience about my limits, but I have questions that remain unanswered…
Didn’t meet all of my declarations. I didn’t take a class, and I ended up only hanging out once on Tuesday.
Honestly, I didn’t do shit!
Basically, I felt super on top of my game at the beginning of this week. But by the time Thursday came along, I just felt incredibly burnt out. I was supposed to meet a friend that night, and I ended up rescheduling because I couldn’t think straight. Friday night, I ended up cancelling plans because I ended up working really late that night and I felt incredibly drained by the time I finished.
By the time Saturday came around, I was feeling super burnt out and slept for most of the day. I ended up cancelling plans with two different friend groups (why I failed to meet a major goal declaration). Sunday came around, and I still felt drained. That’s when I scheduled working on my minor goal, but I ended up saying “fuck it” and slept.
With breakdowns come breakthroughs, right? I thought about what led to this breakdown, and I’m not 100% clear on an answer, but I think it was a mixture of 2 things:
- Over-committing myself
- Not taking care of my body
For #1, I have a history of committing to a lot of things that, if I were feeling 100% 100% of the time, they could be accomplished. And I like to focus on possibilities, so I don’t even consider the idea that I might not be at 100% on a given day.
Maybe it’s just not realistic for me to be at 100% energy at any given moment in my life? Maybe “going 100%” really means 100% on one day, 30% on another, and 93% on another? It feels like I’m trying to justify breaking my word and absolve myself of personal responsibility, but maybe I have to accept that I simply can’t expect my body to function 100% every single moment of my life?
For #2, I think I’m simply not giving my body the fuel that it needs. I checked a calorie calculator, and it tells me that I’m simply not eating enough calories by a LONG SHOT (though I’m skeptical because online calculators can be pretty inaccurate). I don’t think I drink enough water, and I don’t think I get enough sleep.
Factoring in that with my mentally-intensive job, my relatively physically-intensive workout, and all the extra shit I said I was gonna do, it doesn’t come as a huge surprise that my body told me, “fuck this shit!” I never really recognized it because I didn’t feel lethargic or burnt out on a day-to-day basis, but I looking back, I could see the signs.
Part of me wants to go back and powerfully “undeclare” some of my declarations, but I really, really, really dislike the idea of breaking my word. But maybe trying to do so much at once is what’s preventing me from accomplishing my goals in excellence? But on the other hand, I hear stories of these entrepeneurs or bankers or etc. that work 80+ hours a week. And I want to focus on what’s possible, and part of me says that I’m just making excuses. If anyone is able to, I’d love to hear feedback on this.