This week has been an emotional whirlwind. I just haven’t been feeling myself. It’s like my nerd came back full-throttle. The part of me that says I’m unworthy and undeserving of love. The part of me that has all these negative conversations about who I am and where I’m headed. The part of me that says I don’t get to go. And it just felt like I couldn’t help but choose to listen to my nerd, even though I know I always have a choice.
I don’t know. It just felt like one of those weeks where I felt stressed all the time, even though it wasn’t even hectic (in terms of the “doing”). Even when I allotted time to relax, there was a voice nagging me that I should keep doing and doing and doing.
I saw friends here and there… but it didn’t feel like my soul was into it. When I spent time alone this week, I’d bitch about being alone and not in connection. Then, when I was hanging out with people, I just felt isolated and lonely. You know when you’re surrounded by people, but you still feel like you’re by yourself? That feeling.
I made some progress, but not as much as I wanted to. I setup my two servers, but only the bare essential configurations. Still haven’t touched any programming yet.