It still boggles my mind sometimes that the only thing required to make progress in an area is to actually move forward in that direction.
This week I feel like I took a good step toward restoring integrity by reaching out to apologize to someone that I was supposed to mentor some months ago. I signed up to volunteer through a program working with a group of people who had made a mistake at some point and were now looking to create something new and worthwhile in their lives.
While I still believe in the ultimate goal of the organization (and like many of the ways of being about the organization as well), I found that I was under-informed to the standard I would prefer in order to feel that I could serve my mentee.
The end result was that after a few weeks of delayed email responses on both our parts and what I felt was insufficient support from the organization, I dropped off the face of the earth, so to speak. I’m sure there was additional value that I could have offered despite the challenging circumstances, but I chose to wash my hands of the entire situation.
My decision was also influenced by my mentee switching business plans on me from how he had pitched the business as the outset. I bought into the business that he pitched me, and did not agree with the new business. I further rationalized my decision by believing that I would not have originally agreed to work with him if he had presented this business.
My part in this, which is the most important part, was that I could have pushed the organization for additional information. I could have scheduled more meetings/calls with my mentee, and held him to a standard of communication and responsiveness that would have better suited us both. Instead, I simply disappeared.
Now I get to look at other ways in which I disappear on people and determine the ways and times it serves me and when it doesn’t. I’m feeling the whole PSP thing a little more – and all it took was the recognition that I was out of integrity with my mentee and I needed to apologize.
Good first step!!!
(five weeks in…but better late than never!)