This past Wednesday, we finally finished getting the gifts and Rainy Day Notes for ALP9’s Third Weekend. Being co-captain of the ALP9 Angel Team was rewarding more in theory than in actual experience. I am happy I did it, but at the same time, I am glad it’s over. I don’t like the fact that I feel this way, but it is what it is. Lately, being involved in the ALP9 Angel Team and in PSPLife seem to have caused some issues for me… Almost without fail, every time I’ve had to attend to any calls, meetings or activities (blogging, buying cards/gifts, etc) related to these AdvancedEd groups or activities, I have had to forgo meeting up with a friend that day or reschedule/cut short a date, etc. A recent example of this is the situation with the dancer girl I was briefly dating, she stopped talking to me and answering my calls and texts. Last time I saw her, I met her and her friends at a bar in Queens to watch a soccer match, as soon as it ended, I had to leave to meet my small PSPLife group, which I guess she was not too happy with. Another time I had to cancel going to see her dance performance, because it was a big group PSPLife meeting. Here is an another example that involves a friend of mine who is leaving NYC to join the Peace Corps in a few days. She has tried to get together with me several times and almost every single time I have been unable to see her because I had either an something gong on with Angel Team or PSPLife. So, I find myself feeling divided and feeling like I am letting people down. I enjoy the benefits of the activities I have taken on, but why does it feel like it is coming at a cost? I hate feeling torn, like I have to choose one over the other, but that’s how its felt lately…to PSP or not to PSP, that’s been the question.
To end on a brighter note, I am happy to report that in terms of my goals, I feel very satisfied with my progress, I feel less frazzled and overwhelmed than when I joined the group. I have started doing pushups and other exercises everyday, so I have created that mini habit which has stuck. I also had a session with Ryssel which was great and she taught me some breathing exercises that I have been using since. Also, I have been making an effort to connect with old friends lately by going to have lunch with them during the week. So far this week I had lunch with my friend Lou on Tuesday, met up with my other friend Haydee today Thursday, and tomorrow Friday, I have plans to meet with Stephanie, one of my best friends from high school. So, as much as there has been some disconnecting with certain people along the way lately, I am making an effort to connect with others going forward.