How we form, create and change habits fascinates me. A few weeks ago I feared I was becoming addicted to TV (my most glaring avoidance technique). I struggled to stop watching and found myself also longing to disengage and watch TV. I thought about it a lot – the root of the behavior, best practices for changing it, and why I am doing it now. Then, I started to think about what it was costing me. Finally, I took the plunge. I stopped mooching off my family and asked everyone to change the passwords to the TV playing sites I was watching. I managed to find another way to watch TV. Then I started to lose hope. I worried I wouldn’t change. So I committed to stopping to watch TV. I said it out loud, I made it a goal, I set up alternative practices (art projects, yoga), created questions to ask myself when I have the urge, and even gave myself some wiggle room in case of emergency (I can watch with Husband or if it’s a documentary, and I can take 3 hours a week to unwind and watch). The whole process made me feel complete. I knew what I was dealing with, how I would manage the feelings and gave myself the opportunity to wean off TV. It made me feel totally different about the entire experience. I caught myself thinking ‘I don’t need to watch TV right now, instead I can…”. This all happened rather automatically. Well, for the past 4 days. But I have faith!
I am remaining integrity in every area of my life in an effort to recreate my image of myself as a professional. It’s helping! I do feel a shift. Slow and steady. I still procrastinate on doing tasks like writing cover letters (maybe also because I don’t enjoy writing) but I am doing more and feeling less resistance. I know it’s something in me because it doesn’t change based on which job I am applying to. My behaviors appears the same across the board. There is more to explore there. I wonder what the next steps should be? Going straight to action doesn’t serve me. I need to think it out, create a mantra or find a new approach. Regardless, I am making progress which is all I can ask for right now.