EDG: What do I need in order to change?

How we form, create and change habits fascinates me.  A few weeks ago I feared I was becoming addicted to TV (my most glaring avoidance technique). I struggled to stop watching and found myself also longing to disengage and watch TV. I thought about it a lot – the root of the behavior, best practices for changing it,  and why I am doing it now. Then, I started to think about what it was costing me. Finally, I took the plunge. I stopped mooching off my family and asked everyone to change the passwords to the TV playing sites I was watching. I managed to find another way to watch TV.  Then I started to lose hope. I worried I wouldn’t change. So I committed to stopping to watch TV. I said it out loud, I made it a goal, I set up alternative practices (art projects, yoga), created questions to ask myself when I have the urge, and even gave myself some wiggle room in case of emergency (I can watch with Husband or if it’s a documentary, and I can take 3 hours a week to unwind and watch). The whole process made me feel complete. I knew what I was dealing with, how I would manage the feelings and gave myself the opportunity to wean off TV. It made me feel totally different about the entire experience. I caught myself thinking ‘I don’t need to watch TV right now, instead I can…”. This all happened rather automatically. Well, for the past 4 days. But I have faith!

I am remaining integrity in every area of my life in an effort to recreate my image of myself as a professional. It’s helping! I do feel a shift. Slow and steady. I still procrastinate on doing tasks like writing cover letters (maybe also because I don’t enjoy writing) but I am doing more and feeling less resistance. I know it’s something in me because it doesn’t change based on which job I am applying to. My behaviors appears the same across the board. There is more to explore there. I wonder what the next steps should be? Going straight to action doesn’t serve me. I need to think it out, create a mantra or find a new approach. Regardless, I am making progress which is all I can ask for right now.

Happy Wednesday,
E

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2 thoughts on “EDG: What do I need in order to change?

  1. I like how you’re creating reasonable exemptions so that you can live up to your goal without feeling the tug of ‘what?!? Never again!?!’ And so that you and E can enjoy time together watching tv – if you so choose.
    I view that as a healthier option that completely cutting it out without recourse.

    Also, while I do believe that a heavy focus on the being works for you, I still sense a breakthrough on some of the doing. Perhaps it relates to having processes in place – perhaps just learning how to create those processes or templates – certain items that can enable you to be more productive during your action times.

    Let me know if you want to discuss?

    H

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  2. Nice re the quick progress on the TV goal. Sounds like you can take that same approach with any habit you want to break and probably be successful. I mean, isn’t half (or most) of the battle about figuring out what approach works for us, specifically, when it comes to breaking old patterns and “re-wiring” ourselves?

    On the job goal, one thing that may support you is writing down your ideal job. What kind of pay do you want? Want kind of room for growth? What kind of co-workers? What sort of relationship do you want to have with them? What kind of boss? Where do you want it to be? What kind of work do you want to do on a day-to-day basis? In what ways would you like it to challenge you? I highly recommend going through this exercise and actually writing it down, in detail, with NO limitations. I am going to stress NO limitations — just lay out exactly what you want, your ideal. I did that, following the guidance from a career coach my old firm hired to help me out. And it’s downright scary to what degree my current job matches that profile I wrote down months prior to getting it. Makes me wish I’d allowed myself to dream a little more when I did the exercise!

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