#1, to Steve, Jimmy’s (colorful) buddy. He was supposed to be in our wedding party, but life got in the way and he ended up missing the entire wedding. He doesn’t have a lot of money, but he does have an idea for taking a common pre- and post-workout meal to a whole. ‘notha. LEVEL. (“Chapelle Show” reference–try and keep up). He needed some (free) legal guidance. I gave it to him.
What I got back was a potential business opportunity. Hey, it’s a good idea.
#2, to Jimmy. He wanted to go play golf with his buddies, but it was last minute notice and he felt bad about bailing out on me right after we had just resolved a conflict. I gave him a total free pass to go, and he had a really great day.
If I’m being honest, it wasn’t that easy; I’ve gotten too used to our weekends always being spent together, and I really wanted to reconnect on an intimate level after our fight. I felt moments of insecurity during the day, and when he got home and told me he had had the BEST DAY EVER, I thought to myself: that’s great…! But, what about me…? I guess I’m a source of stress now. I guess you’d rather be with your buddies. I guess you may start hanging out with them all the time and less with me.
Luckily I didn’t say any of that. I realized that while sharing what’s on your mind is great, to do so in that moment would be to take away from his great day, make it about me, “be right” that I only create stress for him, etc. I dealt with myself instead. I silently forgave myself for being selfish and insecure/distrustful of our relationship. Then I had him tell me all about his golf score, the jokes he shared with his friends, etc., so I could feel “part of” the day while also sharing in his excitement over how fun it was. I read recently that a great thing to do in your relationship is authentically share in your partner’s joys (not just their struggles).
While he was gone that day, I practiced music, and that was great. We get to enjoy and appreciate our time apart!
What I got back was getting to experience myself as a supportive wife.
#3, to me. I practiced some new stuff on guitar. Namely a song from Charlotte’s Web (the animated film about the spider and the pig–seriously, keep up). Hey, trying to embrace the stuff that authentically moves me.