I’m feeling optimistic. This may sound surprising, since I started the morning asking for your support as I was channeling patience with my teenage son. He suffers from depression and at times he resists going to school, and this was one of those mornings. It can be so frustrating to see him make poor choices. But I try to remember that he’s not being deliberately defiant. This is his illness coming through, and his pain (along with his teenage brain) makes it hard for him to think about the long-term benefits of going to school — all he can think about is the short-term benefit of hiding in bed and avoiding the anxiety he feels about school and the return of his depression.
Luckily, I’ve put some supports in place (including you all — thank you for your kind words). We’re lucky that the new high school he attends has a program specifically designed for kids with anxiety and depression — kids like my son who have been in and out of hospitals and treatment programs. He gets daily group therapy, in school, with highly qualified therapists — who talked him into getting out of bed and coming to school today. They take some of the burden off me by staying on top of his homework, and gently encouraging him to complete his assignments in a way that would sound like nagging if it came from me. The program also provides weekly individual therapy for him, as well as family therapy sessions and a monthly support group for parents. After months of driving this kid and his sister all over the state to expensive private outpatient treatment facilities, I’m just so relieved and grateful that these support mechanisms are available to us. And I’m optimistic that they’ll help me be who I need to be, my best self and a loving, patient mom.
I’m also optimistic because I focused out today. I had 2 great conversations with friends I hadn’t spoken to in months, and learned about what they’ve been up to. And I touched base with my LP buddy. Thank you Jasmine for inspiring me to do this — your goal of restoring integrity and clearing with important people in your life made me want to have these conversations — not exactly to clear anything, but just to stay connected. I also focused out by spending some time helping to plan an annual event I’m involved in, a conference for youth aging out of foster care.
Finally, I’m feeling optimistic about my financial goals. Over the past few days, I received 2 long-anticipated medical reimbursement checks, which will help with paying down some of the debt I’ve accumulated. And my husband and I are planning to sit down tonight or tomorrow to work on our budget (turns out he’d already investigated some of the budgeting tools that were on my list). I’m not exactly looking forward to it, but I think it will feel good to know we’ve taken this responsible step together.