Who ate all the skittles……

Oh. I did.

I ate all of the skittles, even though I don’t really like skittles, because the sugar within them hit a pleasure censor within me which felt much better than the discomfort I was feeling over the stress in my office.  I slid into my automatic this afternoon, pretending it wasn’t a choice.  Its always a choice.  And ok, it wasn’t just skittles; it was also a coke and a cookie.  Yeah, I hit the drugs hard today.

I am learning though (that just as sugar is a crutch that leaves me limping harder), I can use support. I can write here when I am on the brink of a slide.  I just need to be in a position to notice the slide earlier.  Because music makes things better.  Tea makes things better.  Writing makes things better.  Skittles do not make anything better (especially the wild cherry.  Gross).

Wellness Goal: This morning I was up at 5 to meditate and work out.  It felt great. But I did not go to bed at 9:30 (I was in bed at 9:30, but I will ask my boyfriend for more support with this goal), which may have an impact on my emotional well-being at work.  I have consistently been getting up to meditate each morning, and if I don’t work out in the morning I am running after work, which is really exciting to be doing again.  3.5 miles last night and I was outside in the beautiful warm weather to see the moon rise!  Multiple Benefits!

Work Goal: I was at work at 7:30 prepared for my day. I felt empowered. That lasted about an hour.  I will not blame this on others. I get to choose how I perceive others and how I receive information.  I have been following through with my goal here; I registered for a professional development course, even enrolling a small group of people to do it with me.  I am networking and sent my resume and a cover letter to a friend. I have decided that my emphasis gets to be on creating a clear career plan. It feels exciting.

Kyla wrote about a shift she is having with work- she is not hiding anymore…   I am showing up, but as a faded version of the powerful woman I could be.   Its the backslide into automatic- fear and anxiety and avoidance.  Noticing!

 

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5 thoughts on “Who ate all the skittles……

  1. Tomorrow you can change how you show up. New day. New moment. Great job on getting your meditation and workouts in.

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    1. Thank you Brandy. Its so true. Today is about being in integrity with myself; being kind by holding myself high and releasing guilt. Thanks for the support!

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  2. Em your writing is intoxicating (in a good way). Thank you for your authenticity and your always-powerful choice of words.

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  3. Your career goal speaks to me because I feel like I am right there with you. Not really showing up at work and wanting to be create the career path of my dreams by being an Event producer. I am going to take a leaf from your book and do some research into some more professional development.

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  4. Emileah, i would like to start off first by saying that I love skittle (side eye)…and that you being aware is a big important step in where you are going. Keep doing what you’re doing, it’s working even if you can’t see it just yet. Success is not a straight line pointed upwards, it looks at exactly like what you describe: good moments, not so great moments, bad days, good days, etc. You are a success already, know that in your heart of hearts and carry that with you on your journey.

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