Oh. I did.
I ate all of the skittles, even though I don’t really like skittles, because the sugar within them hit a pleasure censor within me which felt much better than the discomfort I was feeling over the stress in my office. I slid into my automatic this afternoon, pretending it wasn’t a choice. Its always a choice. And ok, it wasn’t just skittles; it was also a coke and a cookie. Yeah, I hit the drugs hard today.
I am learning though (that just as sugar is a crutch that leaves me limping harder), I can use support. I can write here when I am on the brink of a slide. I just need to be in a position to notice the slide earlier. Because music makes things better. Tea makes things better. Writing makes things better. Skittles do not make anything better (especially the wild cherry. Gross).
Wellness Goal: This morning I was up at 5 to meditate and work out. It felt great. But I did not go to bed at 9:30 (I was in bed at 9:30, but I will ask my boyfriend for more support with this goal), which may have an impact on my emotional well-being at work. I have consistently been getting up to meditate each morning, and if I don’t work out in the morning I am running after work, which is really exciting to be doing again. 3.5 miles last night and I was outside in the beautiful warm weather to see the moon rise! Multiple Benefits!
Work Goal: I was at work at 7:30 prepared for my day. I felt empowered. That lasted about an hour. I will not blame this on others. I get to choose how I perceive others and how I receive information. I have been following through with my goal here; I registered for a professional development course, even enrolling a small group of people to do it with me. I am networking and sent my resume and a cover letter to a friend. I have decided that my emphasis gets to be on creating a clear career plan. It feels exciting.
Kyla wrote about a shift she is having with work- she is not hiding anymore… I am showing up, but as a faded version of the powerful woman I could be. Its the backslide into automatic- fear and anxiety and avoidance. Noticing!