It’s been another rough week.
I’m feeling better now but I found out on Monday that I did not pass my final video evaluation in my yoga therapy training. It’s not the end of the world, it just means there’s more to work on and I will need to submit another video before I am a certified practitioner but it definitely hit me hard around my “not good enough” stuff.
The mentor who reviewed it felt like there was a disconnect between me and my client, that I stuck with the structure rather than following the client. I knew this was not my best work and know I have a tendency to stick to the “formula” because it feels safe. I also know that if I don’t feel safe to be in my much, neither will my clients.
I know this is a growth opportunity and all part of my journey, but I definitely spent Monday and Tuesday feeling shitty and thinking about quitting and doing “something easier.” This is my go to thought whenever things feel hard. It brings up the fact that a major part of my struggle as a therapist has been and continues to be that I am trying to prove my worth by being “good.” As early as I can remember, I believed it was important to be good at things in order to be worthy. I know that my growth lies in letting go of the idea that my worth is provable and embracing that I am inherently worthy, always good and enough no matter how I perform. But there is a huge gap between knowing this intellectually and feeling it. Open to any and all thoughts on how to bridge this gap.
Also, I signed up for Gary’s boot camp that starts next week and am kind of freaking out about it. I know he’s going to challenge me to do a ton of stuff I’m resistant to. But if I want my business to succeed, I know I’m going to have to stretch. That said, the work I’m doing already feels like a stretch much of the time.
In the success column, I created a short video explaining what I do and uploaded it to my website and have chosen an initial target group for my practice: teenage girls. Check and check. I also posted in a couple of FB groups that I am trying to fill my last few training sessions and offered free sessions in exchange for being videotaped and got 12 responses! I have already scheduled 4 of them for the next few weeks so I am on schedule to complete the training on time.
With respect to my self-care goals, I’ve been consistent. I am 100% re meditating daily and saying my affirmation every morning and journaling at least 4 times/wk. But exercise is always the first thing to go when I’m feeling bad. I worked out yesterday and today, so if I exercise tomorrow and Sat, I can make it to 4/4 for the week. I am committed to exercising on Monday next week so I can start the week of feeling strong and empowered.