Dazed and Confused

Last week I had so much clarity about what I wanted. This week I’m seriously dazed and confused about what to do. There’s still no doubt that I want a special women in my life, but I’ve been struggling between going after “the one” and putting all my eggs in one basket. The woman I set my sights last week has been under the radar all week, which had me slip into doubt as to if I was on the right path. I sent her a message about 5 days ago after finding out from her best friend  that she had left for Florida. It’s crazy what my mind can create, all the stories why she wouldn’t respond to my message to take her out for her birthday, knowing all along that she had just gone through a traumatic breakup. I had difficulty focusing on anything else, despite having a belt test that was taking place this weekend. What was different was that I didn’t panic, something that has haunted my past. You know, the stupid over-texting or calling when you don’t get an immediate response. For as much as I feel for this woman I’ve never come from a place of need. 

Fast forward to Saturday, my Taekwondo belt test. I had to block out, and I did, all the distraction and doubt I created all week. The result; obtaining my high blue belt, with the support of my fellow martial artists.

Today, as I finished a Blade Warrior workshop, I received a pleasant surprise. My message was returned. Not only did she truly appreciate me remembering her birthday but accepted my offer to go out to dinner, albeit we will have to wait until I get back from Atlanta which is about  three and a half weeks from now. They say patience is a virtue… well, I’m about to find out.


4 thoughts on “Dazed and Confused

  1. Yay Cubby!!
    Great job being with the struggle and emerging victorious – you rocked your belt test and got the response you hoped for!
    What can we do to support your patience test?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. i feel you there supercubby!
    those stories we make up when we don’t get the instant gratification we expect can be crippling. so happy to hear that she showed up! and coming from a place of abundance (not need) is what may have given the space for her to step up. you are so powerful! what are you gonna do with that next?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Like the reference to “all my eggs in one basket.” That’s basically overtly about self-protection — as if you were investing in the stock market. Diversify! I say that not to be critical, I totally relate, it’s unnerving. And as the relationship progresses, for me, it actually gets increasingly unnerving. But I think how you dealt with it is great — you were patient with her, reminded yourself that she may not yet be on the same page as you in light of her break-up, and so were willing to receive her delayed message and go forward. That was a BIG difference between Jimmy and almost everyone I dated before him — he had a complete willingness to be patient, back off, etc. He was willing to wait for me to come back to him when I was ready during several points. I can’t tell you what that did for me. It made it SO clear to me that for him, it wasn’t all about him and what he needed or wanted from me. He actually made it about ME. Never in my history as a woman had any man given me that much freedom, time and space, because he understood it was what I needed, for me. It’s a profound thing when a man is thinking about you and your well-being instead of his own needs/wants in the infancy of a relationship (and beyond). So, I applaud you for that, and believe you will be rewarded for your patience!

    Liked by 1 person

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