The more I think about the energy I am putting out to others, the more I am getting that in order to create authentic energy that positively impacts others, I have to truly create this in myself. I try really hard to generate strength and positive energy in order to positively impact others and support what they are up to, but what I am realizing is that it isn’t authentic because I myself do not always feel positively energized when I am attempting to energize others and I am sure it is not landing on others as authentic as a result. My intention is to always do the least amount of harm and support to the greatest extent possible the growth and well being of those around me. I am really getting however that in order to do this effectively, in order to generate authentic and true positive energy I have to feed my soul so that I first know that authentic, positive energy within my being. In thinking about how I get to feed my soul, I am also noticing the myriad of ways I am hurting my soul. I am very often “shoulding all over myself”. So often the ‘conversation’ in my head, rooted in perfectionism, is that I should be thinner (that I am too heavy), that my hair is too grey etc. and this “shoulding” is weighing on my heart and my well being. Which brings me back to self love and what I mentioned in my blog post of last week. What would be possible if I were as loving to myself as I am with my baby? And also within that framework, instead of shoulding on myself, what would be possible if I shut down the self judgement and instead lathered on the self love?
So in getting to the nitty gritty of the goal, I have been going to yoga which really fills up my soul and being with SO much. I did yoga twice this week. I committed to doing three shorter sessions and one long session at the yoga studio. So, I did get somewhere this week with this goal and get to do more in this category this coming week. I also met another interesting Mom of a 10 month old in the elevator of my building this week who also ironically ended up in my yoga class on Sunday. (I have a story that stay at home Mom’s are not going to be similar to me in having professional aspirations rather perhaps are more motherly/homemaker types solely interested in life within the home). We exchanged phone numbers and plan to get together this week with the babies. So, more personal interaction with a smart and interesting adult is more good food for the soul.
With regards to the “major” goal, I have been working on the jewelry. I spent a full day carving a ring last week which did not turn out to be something I would cast, but it did prove to be a good exercise in figuring out how this more abstract ring can be supported and thus sit nicely on the finger. So all was not lost. I do get to get serious about casting in the very near term. I have several rings with potential that are not yet “perfected/finished”. So I get to finish them and send them off to be cast, even if they are just cast in silver.