Replacing Should with Self Love

The more I think about the energy I am putting out to others, the more I am getting that in order to create authentic energy that positively impacts others, I have to truly create this in myself.  I try really hard to generate strength and positive energy in order to positively impact others and support what they are up to, but what I am realizing is that it isn’t authentic because I myself do not always feel positively energized when I am attempting to energize others and I am sure it is not landing on others as authentic as a result.  My intention is to always do the least amount of harm and support to the greatest extent possible the growth and well being of those around me.  I am really getting however that in order to do this effectively, in order to generate authentic and true positive energy I have to feed my soul so that I first know that authentic, positive energy within my being.  In thinking about how I get to feed my soul, I am also noticing the myriad of ways I am hurting my soul.  I am very often “shoulding all over myself”.  So often the ‘conversation’ in my head, rooted in perfectionism, is that I should be thinner (that I am too heavy), that my hair is too grey etc. and this “shoulding” is weighing on my heart and my well being.  Which brings me back to self love and what I mentioned in my blog post of last week.  What would be possible if I were as loving to myself as I am with my baby?  And also within that framework, instead of shoulding on myself, what would be possible if I shut down the self judgement and instead lathered on the self love?

So in getting to the nitty gritty of the goal, I have been going to yoga which really fills up my soul and being with SO much.  I did yoga twice this week.  I committed to doing three shorter sessions and one long session at the yoga studio.  So, I did get somewhere this week with this goal and get to do more in this category this coming week.  I also met another interesting Mom of a 10 month old in the elevator of my building this week who also ironically ended up in my yoga class on Sunday.  (I have a story that stay at home Mom’s are not going to be similar to me in having professional aspirations rather perhaps are more motherly/homemaker types solely interested in life within the home).  We exchanged phone numbers and plan to get together this week with the babies.  So, more personal interaction with a smart and interesting adult is more good food for the soul.

With regards to the “major” goal, I have been working on the jewelry.  I spent a full day carving a ring last week which did not turn out to be something I would cast, but it did prove to be a good exercise in figuring out how this more abstract ring can be supported and thus sit nicely on the finger.  So all was not lost.  I do get to get serious about casting in the very near term.  I have several rings with potential that are not yet “perfected/finished”.  So I get to finish them and send them off to be cast, even if they are just cast in silver.

 

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4 thoughts on “Replacing Should with Self Love

  1. Overall some great things here and some things that I’m not clear if they support you. Things that stuck out for me:

    “it isn’t authentic because I myself do not always feel positively energized”

    – I feel this way pretty often. Even/especially when I’m in a funk it can be much easier to focus out and support other people then to work through my own crap. That said when I’m dealing with my own things in integrity I feel that my support and energy truly lands on others authentically.

    “intention is to always do the least amount of harm”
    – This sounds like playing to safe instead of playing to win. How would this sound & feel (to you & others) if you stated it in the positive? How might your being & actions be guided then?

    “shoulding all over myself”
    – Liz Wolfe offered a comment as we were leaving whisper circle on this topic. She said she read in the book recently that at the end of the day when you go through and review and think “all those things I should have done” and all that ‘should’ makes you feel pretty crappy. Instead, replace ‘should’ with ‘could’ and think “all those things I could have done.”
    The ‘could’ offers a possibility and flexibility whereas the should offers only perfectionism and idealism that may not be true.
    How can that thought support you with this?

    “I have been going to yoga which really fills up my soul and being with SO much”
    – Great win! Keep it up!!

    “I have a story that stay at home Mom’s are not going to be similar to me…more personal interaction with a smart and interesting adult is more good food for the soul.
    – Yup! Big-time story!! I believe you’re starting to see and experience what happens and what community you can create when you said this story aside.

    “I do get to get serious about casting in the very near term”
    – Great! Bye when!?!? Time to get on sales, and it’s hard to do that without a product to sell…

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  2. If you haven’t, check out Byron Katie’s “Loving What Is.” You can even find it for free on the internet. It will support you in ditching the “shoulds,” in addition to a myriad of other things.

    I’m experiencing you as being in action big time this cycle. I think that’s fantastic. Less analyzing, more just getting out there and making stuff happen. I think that does wonders for the spirit, and our sense of self-worth.

    Feeding the soul is KEY. That’s my view and I’m stickin’ to it. YES, we can “shift,” etc., but, I think if we’re going to be our best for ourselves and others, this IS an important component.

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  3. I think what I am trying to get at here is that I often feel like a cheerleader….trying to rev things up or get the energy going and that I often times don’t feel successful, So, I guess what I really should be saying is that it would be interesting to see how much more powerful my attempts to energize others would be if my efforts were being pulled from a place of being truly energized.

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