I am often reminded how special and unique this community is, that we have all gone through the training and thus live with a certain awareness and common language. I found myself yearning for my small buddy meeting and buddy trio call. There were a couple of things that were bothering me and I knew my buddies would get to the heart of the matter.
I brought up how uninspired and stuck I feel about my upcoming job review and considering my professional future in general. I feel like I know what I need to do, but building any sort of momentum feels helpless and hopeless. That’s where Kyla just called me out and said CHOOSE. Choose to be different. Get in action and choose to get out of your head and do what you know to do. Be in integrity with yourself and engage the world. It probably is that simple…
I then brought up my gf. I have been seeing a girl for 4 months and I noted that we have created an honest and open space that feels pretty beautiful. But I intimated that I have been struggling with our physical chemistry, and while it’s tough to admit, I question whether I am attracted enough to her. The spirited response I got was a bit surprising. My understanding of the response was that I am fooling myself if I think that I have been open and honest with this girl if this is really what I am thinking and not sharing, and I should share it with her and give her the option to walk away.
I proceeded to speak with my other buddies and have given it some thought. I know that I want the woman that I am with to feel desired and I want to desire the woman that I am with. But I am also entitled to open my heart and to get to know someone and to figure things out. I don’t see any reason to share with someone that I am not sure if I am attracted enough to them – it doesn’t seem kind or productive. But I do appreciate the feedback as it pushes me to act with urgency and kindness, for myself and others, and to be mindful of maintaining integrity.
My goal of eating healthy and consciously is going swimmingly. I continue to plan my meals and have healthy options for when I get hungry. I continue to feel leaner and healthier and can see this as a lifestyle that I maintain.
In the spirit of getting into action, I give a shout out to Vanessa who encouraged me to go with her to ToastMasters today. Action, Action, Action no matter what you are feeling 🙂