I have a thousand things racing around in my head. I’ve been scared and resistant to sit down and blog because I haven’t been proud to share my PSP progress (or lack thereof), I don’t know what to put down, I have little time and it takes me a while to write, etc. STORY. So, here we go.
First, I need to restore integrity with myself and with you, my PSPLife #6 team. I acknowledge that I bailed on blogging last week. Not because I forgot, but because I chose not to. I realize this impact on you all may allow you to feel that I am not a woman of my word, a team player or there to support all of you (and I haven’t! Up until now…). The impact on me is that it reinforces behavior of I CAN’T DO, puts me in a negative head space, slows my productivity and doesn’t allow me to be the POWERFUL MOFO that I am. I am recommitting to my participation in this cycle. I will ask for my support when I need it. I will get out of my own head. I will catch up on blog posts and What’sApp (woah, anxiety-provoking for me at times) this Saturday when I am going up to NY/NJ for the weekend (Yay, Sara and Marc!). I will also revisit my PSP and ensure that it is in the PSPFinal folder. I will recommit to the goals I declared, since it’s been a shit-show the last week and half.
On the positive side, I have worked out every day since Monday with my home workout videos. I haven’t been sticking to the diet plan because….I’m not fully committed. I’m eating cookies when I’m craving them (thanks, PMS) and recognizing when I’ve had more than one and can’t have any more, despite their deliciousness. Win! In the wise and encouraging words of my buddy, Emileah, with whom I had a great call to start our day on Wednesday, I am too hard on myself. And it’s not about being rigid, but rather, about changing habits. So, good for me for making sure I worked out every day for the last 4 days. Sometimes, it was first thing in the morning, other times, I exercised at night. One day only an abbreviated work out, and a prolonged exercise session the following day. Sugar and carbohydrates aside, I do feel good, better!
I am up to a lot of big things. I started a new job 2 months ago and while I’m doing a great job so far (they’ve already mentioned a potential future promotion! and how happy the staff and residents have been with me and the care I deliver), I am still new and learning a lot. I’m being expected to do things that most newbies don’t get to do initially. I feel pressure to do all the work, but I must tell myself and my colleagues that it’s too much at times, and we may need to restructure things for the first few months, until I’m in the groove.
I’m restoring relationships with close friends and family. I’m dating new guys (plural) every week (wish that wasn’t the case, but is my reality at present), and I’m making considerably better choices doing so than in my past. I’m learning a lot about what I want and how to express it. I’m being more focused and intentioned on various tasks/goals and carrying through with many of those short-term goals. I’m servicing others and planning wedding parties. I’m stretching. I’m being honest with myself and recognizing when I’m not being my best self (i.e. eating cookies, staying up late for stupid reasons, etc).
It is now way passed my bedtime and am signing off for now. Speak soon.