After My Meeting with Irena: Surrender

 

After psyching myself up for my meeting with Irena, opening my heart and summoning all my courage and clarity for a positive outcome, I found myself in hostile waters. Why was she so committed to being closed, angry and nasty while I was being empathetic, compassionate and committed to peace? I was not expecting an immediate change in her behavior but merely an opening for a new possibility. After a year of suffering for all parties involved, Irena, Jeff, Arden and myself, I thought that an initiative toward positive change would have to create a positive response, but this was not my experience.

One can never really tell what the universe has in store for us. We can be focused on one thing and something from another direction will seemingly “broadside” us. We will think it came out of nowhere, but that will not be the truth.   Nothing comes from nowhere. It’s just that we weren’t focused on that thing and/or have no idea of the origin.

So after leaving my meeting with Irena I was eager to return home to safe haven where I could coddle myself and acknowledge my effort. I was almost out of “Dodge,” half way over the bridge, both literally and figuratively, when the storm really hit. Traffic stopped. “Hmmm…” I thought. “I wonder what the holdup could be?” 5 minutes went by, then 10. Ok, this was not normal. It started to rain hard and the wind picked up causing the bridge to sway and the car to shimmy. I hadn’t had dinner or even much to eat that day and this along with my already knotted up stomach was not sitting well. 15 minutes went by. I tried to get out of the car to see what was going on, but I could barely stand up in the power of the gusts and heavy rain and quickly got back in the car. 20 minutes went by, and I was starting to worry. Maybe there was a terrorist situation, or maybe there was just an accident, but either way, I was starting to ask myself how much weight this bridge could hold and if it would be possible for the wind to flip my car. I was having serious thoughts about winding up in the Hudson, trapped in my car. Panic started to overcome me and my claustrophobia began to kick in. 25 minutes passed, and I was beginning to realize that my bladder was feeling full from the 2 hours that I had been drinking water while sitting with Irena. I would think positive thoughts that traffic would start moving again in the next couple of minutes. It didn’t.

”Ok, I am now officially ready for support.” I thought. How can I get immediate support?!!!”

I tried to reach out to John and can’t remember if I called or texted but he got back to me via text and said that he would have to get back to me in 20 minutes or so. (He explained to me later that he did not know what was going on, and said that had he known he would have called me sooner.)

“The PSPLife Group!” I thought! I would put out a request for someone to call me on “What’s App!” After doing this Thomas got back to me almost instantly, 5 minutes after which I needed to ask him to call me back so that I could take care of creating a makeshift solution for relieving myself in my car. After that Thomas did his best to keep me calm.

“You’re Wonder Woman, right?” He reminded me. I looked into the back seat of my car to find my shiny costume in a ball in the corner.

Calls came in from a Hadar, Vanessa and John, but I was talking to Thomas now, holding on tightly to his voice unwilling to let go.

Thomas asked me “What do you get to do now that everything is stopped on the bridge?”Reminding me there are no accidents.

“I get to appreciate time to myself without anything in my space requiring my attention outside of myself. I get to focus on me, using my own power to calm myself. I GET TO SURRENDER” I said, “in the biggest way possible!” There was no other choice. The universe was speaking!

Thomas supported me, talking me through panic and anxiety for about an hour and 15 minutes more.  Then John called again and I spoke with him for about half an hour until  traffic started moving again. I had spent a total of 2 hours  and 15 minutes on that bridge and was now overcome with relief and gratitude.

One can never really tell what the universe has in store for us. We can be focused on one thing and something from another direction will seemingly “broadside” us. We will think it came out of nowhere, but that will not be the truth.

Stats:

Business: I have found myself starting my work half way  or more through the day with my run lasting till mid morning, then walking Cecil and shower. Not good.  Progress on one of my most time consuming activities, making75 calls per day  has not even been touched. I get to change things this week.

Relationship: I have been good about not mentioning Irena to Arden or Jeff.  I did see Jeff and Irena at a game and it was as if we had never spoken.  They came in after me and sat separately and we did not speak.  Also, I had texted Irena to see if she had a few minutes to speak about one more thing and she texted me a nasty message back saying wasn’t 2 1/2 hours enough? And could we please just leave it alone!  I am clear that no matter how she is going to be right now, I will stay committed to how I want to be in order that I can know that  I did my best.

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2 thoughts on “After My Meeting with Irena: Surrender

  1. Congrats on shifting during your talk with Thomas!
    From my own experience of having been in a difficult situation where my mind can run in any number of directions, it can be challenging to create calm, surrender and shift to another way of being.
    Great job as well realizing you needed support and reaching out to others!
    It’s the times I denied being vulnerable and suffered that I regret, both for how I continued to feel and in retrospect for how foolish it was not to have reached out for support.

    The opening to your stats is one place that I could use a little more color.
    I again want to acknowledge you for having a powerful, open/vulnerable and connected conversation with Irene.

    I do get the sense, however, that there may be another level of empathy available for you in your relations with her.

    I believe your closing comment to last week was “If you say so” and this week, despite your recognition that there has been “a year of suffering for all parties involve,” you ask “why was she so committed to being closed, angry and nasty?”

    I wonder if you tried to put yourself in her shoes – coming into a relationship with a man who has a nearly adolescent son, an ex-wife (with a driver personality), and likely trying to craft a relationship not only with Jeff, but also with Arden, and possibly you.

    What has the last year been like for her? In what ways is she operating from a place of protecting herself, from the possibility of false hope, from being hurt again?
    What is her occurring world (I believe Naomi asked you that last week)?

    While much of our content isn’t unique to the workshop, the insistence on it as a way of life is radically different than hearing Dr. Phil on tv – has she taken a workshop that helped her implement openness as a way of being?

    How might an empathetic approach toward her support you in what you’re up to?

    One more recent LP weekend trainer tells the story of an affair an engaged man has, and in cleaning up the crap between his fiancé, the fiancé restores integrity for potentially being closed or distant, which may have contributed to the affair.

    Crazy right? The person cheated on restored integrity!!

    That’s the level of empathy I’m calling you forward to step into…radical empathy!!

    How might that create what you want in this situation?

    Like

  2. Hadar, chills. Very well communicated. Heather, I concur with what Hadar has written. I will add that our own perspectives and interpretations are so automatic to us (we “get” how we are hurting, how what we want isn’t coming to us, how someone else is “treating” us, how we “perceive” someone else to be)….to get to a place of understanding/empathy/compassion for the other person is more challenging. We have to take ourselves out of the equation completely….and that isn’t easy when we are hurting or feel that someone else is doing something to us or preventing us from accomplishing something we want. Whenever I am able to approach someone I am struggling with or resistant to from a place of pure compassion and understanding, in being open to really “getting” what things might be like from their purview, it is always so powerful and such a different perspective forms for me. I see them in a completely different light. I see the situation in a much different light.

    I know you are powerful, you are a POWERFUL woman. That was clear to me the night I met you, no bullshit. You have the power to step in to the radical empathy that Hadar mentions. I am going to pose a challenge for you…if you want to accept it. Close your eyes, get inside of Irena’s head and look out through her eyes, wake up in the morning as Irena, and walk through her day and “see” John through her eyes, Arden through her eyes, you through her eyes….experience life as her with her skillset, background, time on the planet… How might you see things differently if you were really able to see things through her eyes? I get that this is not easy given that you are hurting too, but if you are able to put your hurt aside for a bit (not ignore your hurt or dismiss your hurt, but just set it on the shelf for a bit) and really get clear on how things might be for Irena you might see a completely different scenario unfold.

    The other thing I would say, being a fellow “make shit happen” kind of person….sometimes we want to make shit happen and we want people to move and move now. (as I write these words I cringe because I can see myself in relation to my husband, wanting him to pick up the pace, my pace). Some people need time to process, time to sit and think, time to make a decision…..time to let the dust settle, time to be. We get to respect that. Their way is just a different way of “processing” than you and I. So, you might not see results automatically…..it might take months to get to a different place. I know one thing for sure, if you are really empathetic to Irena’s reality, if you are peaceful, if you have patience, if you are loving……I KNOW you will achieve different and better results. Let it “rest” for a bit….let the wine age….you are tending to it bit by bit and you will reap the rewards with a nice bottle down the road. I know it.

    Like

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