Who Gives a Flying Fudge.

There is conversation that comes up for me more often than I would like around what others are going to think.  On a rational level I say who gives a flying fuck, they are not me, they have not walked in my shoes they do not understand life like I do based on my experiences and needs and I get to create the most out of this life for myself not for anyone else.  If I don’t I am a fool.  On a subconscious level however, thoughts creep in where I care about what every single person thinks and I want everyone to like me.  I get that this isn’t authentic, that I don’t get to be authentic in this scenario.  If I am true to myself others are going to have judgements that aren’t necessarily going to align with mine.  They may judge me and distance themselves from me because what I believe in vastly contradicts what they do or challenges something inside them.  They may disconnect in some way that I may not like.  I get to figure out a way to put myself all out there and when I do, I get to get comfortable with the fact that I will be judged because that is what humans do.  Humans try and make sense of their world, quickly sizing up situations, viewing and interpreting that which they come in contact with through their own finely etched viewing prism which has been chiseled over years by their own myriad of life experiences.

After having people in my life get sick, after having my financial situation change drastically during different phases of life, after seeing people flee when life gets tough I have come to the solid understanding that for me what really matters in life is that I lead a happy life, that I am solidly there for and make certain that those I am closest to know I have their back and vice versa, that I lead a healthy life (sports/exercise, nutrition, mental and emotional wellness) that I am strong and stand up for what I believe in, that I make the world around me a better place, that I empower others as well as myself and that I am able to create beautiful things, experiences and environments within which to carry out life.  Sometimes, however, the “conversation” seeps back in.  The advanced degree, the title, the job, the status in life that makes others treat you in a different way become momentarily alluring.  I DON’T want to live after those things because I know they are empty for me, but sometimes I get frustrated because those “things” cause people to treat you in a more respectful way.  I have experienced this.  I GET that the opinions of others DON’T MATTER.  97.5% of me understands this, yet every once in awhile the the thoughts seep in.  I should be doing something more.  This is sabotaging conversation and I get that.  I get that I have solidly landed on the career that is perfect for me.  I get that living my dream is right in front of me.  I get that that doesn’t happen easily in life, where one is able to make a living doing something they love….or even come to understand what it is that they love doing.  So I need to get the fuck out of my own way with this nonsensical, sabotaging dialogue and make shit happen.  Titles, traditionally respectable careers aside.  I am on a quest to make money doing something I love and I have created the exact scenario in which I want to spend the rest of my foreseeable years….I get to be creative, I get to be successful, I get to build wealth and I get to better the world around me by giving back both financially and personally.

I also get to get clear that this brilliantly gleaming fruitful opportunity is hanging out on the limb in front of me and I get to pluck it off and taste its juiciness now.

As for goals, I am on a roll with yoga….REALLY getting back into it physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  I can’t say enough about how yoga changes me and fills me up for the better.  Through yoga, my way of being with others is so much more present and peaceful instead of busy minded and potentially not entirely there.

Jewelry, I made some progress this last week but I get to figure out a way to put myself in the creative space more readily.  Perhaps yoga will help with this, I know sleep does and I am working on getting to sleep by 10 each night (work in progress).  I get to step it up with the jewelry biz….I have a lot I get to do here.





6 thoughts on “Who Gives a Flying Fudge.

  1. Your awareness of yourself is so keen and your expression of what you want and what you get to do is so passionate! I am so happy for you that you have gotten back into a routine yoga practice. I hear what it is doing for you and I am inspired to look into a class for me! I remember that feeling! Thank you for sharing! 😍


  2. Jill, I love this. There is a whole lot of truth here. I have also experienced the trick of the mind that seeks empty validation… I think it must go back to some deep biological need to be noticed and desired for reproduction (I like to blame everything on adaptation), but the reality is that you already KNOW yourself so well- you know what fills you up. You know what you want. You know what makes you feel good and where to find it. And we weed through and release those people who can’t see us. We are brilliant souls in camouflage, and it takes another lit up being to see us. Light attracts light.

    Looking forward to seeing more ring progressions!


  3. I love this declaration: “I am on a quest to make money doing something I love and I have created the exact scenario in which I want to spend the rest of my foreseeable years….I get to be creative, I get to be successful, I get to build wealth and I get to better the world around me by giving back both financially and personally.” It’s very clear, and empowering. It’s like a personal vision statement. You definitely don’t need to indulge in those disempowering conversations — you’ve been through a lot in life, you’ve accomplished a lot, you’ve weathered a ton of challenges, you’re a mom now. You don’t need to prove yourself to anyone. In her little coaching system, Byron Katie asks the question: “Who would you be without that thought?” So, who would you be if you didn’t give into the belief that you’ve got to prove yourself with a degree or a title? A lot freer!


    1. Thanks Kyla.

      I love how you are showing up lately….makes my heart happy knowing that the missing ingredient has recognized her importance in the much larger recipe. xoxoxo


  4. Love this post!
    Geez, we are killing it this cycle!!

    Jill, I’m not remembering exactly the story as she related it, but I encourage you to ask Eliane about a friend of hers who devised a system to tackle this sort of issue.

    It had something to do with writing her vision and purpose at the top of each page in her notebook, so as she had meetings, took notes, made plans etc., she was always cognizant of this vision and big picture goal.

    I wonder if there’s a version of that you might tweak for yourself and that would support you with that 2.5% of the conversation.

    Excited to hear that yoga is going well!! I can’t wait until my leg feels enough and I can get back into it as well.

    Re jewelry:
    When will you cast your first piece?
    How quickly can you get that posted to your website or elsewhere?
    What’s the turnaround time for your first sale?


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