Step left

Today I felt that I’m not finishing strong.  I allowed myself to feel a bit of a victim, and resented my son for creating a really hard dynamic in our home. Sometimes I just want him to snap out of it and be the high-functioning kid he used to be, and not be so damn needy.  But I know that mindset doesn’t serve him or me.  So as I write this I’m stepping left into a more patient moment (more easily done now that he’s gone to sleep and I’m relaxing with a glass of wine).

It’s been a week of more medical, educational and therapy appointments. Literally at least one every day. It’s exhausting and so time consuming, but we’re working through some bureaucratic systems and I think we’re getting closer getting the help we need, in terms of therapy and medication management, and hopefully eventually also in the educational arena.

I didn’t make a lot of progress on my financial goal this week.  We had a few larger than normal bills this week, and cash was tight, so I succumbed to using the credit card even though it wasn’t for emergency purposes.  Fortunately the universe came through and one of the tax refund checks arrived this week, preventing the need for more credit purchases.

I did better on my goal of making time for myself. I kept up with saying my contract, and I took time every day to read from the book I referred to last time, 100 Days Happier.  Check it out; it’s great.  I also made time almost every day to really connect with a friend, including my PSPlife buddy, my LP buddy, my stretch buddy, a close friend from college, several local friends, and my mom.  These conversations really help ground me, they remind me that I can support and attempt to guide my son, but I can’t ultimately control his decisions or live his life for him.

Things I want to pause and be grateful for: my awesome supportive husband, who has a lead on a cool new job (send him positive energy please).  My amazing daughter, who is maturing before my eyes and is so fun to be around lately.  She can’t decide if she’d rather be a baker or a photo editor when she grows up.  My son, who is making some efforts academically and socially despite his struggles with depression and anxiety. Springtime, a time of rebirth.  And my awesome support network, which includes all of you (thank you to so many of you who replied to my post last week — I’m sorry I haven’t reached out more but please know that I appreciate your comments and the love).

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