I came into this cycle looking for support and accountability in getting my business off the ground. I could not have guessed that I would complete my yoga therapy training (which I did this past week!) and simultaneously realize that I do not want to make this my work. It’s bittersweet that finishing this training does not feel like more of a celebration, as it has been an intense 9 months, including a lot of stretching, trust, and honesty. I may not be pursuing a yoga therapy practice, but I know that I have integrated the work into my life. I have learned to tune inward and trust my intuition/inner knowing. That feels like something worth celebrating.
Which brings me to today, March 31st, 2016, in which I don’t know what my life will look like going forward and I feel ok being in a place of not knowing. That too feels like an accomplishment. I trust that I can use my intuition to guide me moving forward, both with respect to work and relationships.
Last night, I had a second date with a guy and as the date progressed, I began to realize that I was not “into him.” This is a familiar feeling and I have had numerous conversations with myself and others about how open I truly am to men. While I am committed to being open, as I navigate the dating world, I have to trust myself. I GET to trust myself. I could make a list of reasons I “should” give this guy more time, and I could make a list of reasons why he is not the guy for me. I think back on my relationships and realize that I have never once successfully “talked myself into” someone. It comes down to trust, trust in myself that I know what is and is not right for me. As long as I tune inward, listen, and trust myself, I can’t lose. (Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose!)
My goals for the cycle changed. I threw my business goal out the window and felt empowered by doing so. Self-care was already present and it continues to be. I continue to struggle with making exercise a priority, but I feel grounded in and grateful for my meditation practice. I continue to say my morning mantra. Sometimes it feels solid and empowering, and other times it feels a bit more forced. But looking in the mirror and saying it supports me, and I plan to continue. I look forward to future cycles, to continuing to give and receive support, and to continuing working on creating my authentic, powerful, courageous (as well as loving and vulnerable) life. Grateful for all of you on this journey with me.