The Baby is Crying

Sitting down to blog and the baby hears the keyboard begin to click as I start to write the blog post that I have had some resistance to writing during the day.  It will be nice when we have a bit more space and her crib is not 15 feet away from my desk, albeit behind closed doors.  I give her a few minutes and hope that she settles herself down and that I don’t have to go in there.  I end up having to.  It is 10 pm and my 18 month old child is not yet sleeping….and after two nights of a 9pm bedtime and enormous amounts of guilt about the late hour at which my bitty child has gone to sleep.  It takes a long while to get her ready for bed….she is really resistant to brushing her teeth so I have to tickle her belly and sing a song that makes her laugh so that I can get a couple brushes in at a time.  This is a lot of what I spend my time doing…..getting creative so that I can keep things positive with her, avoid any meltdowns and be the most expeditious.  She is very connected to me lately and is going through a phase where I need to be right near her.  We went on a walk earlier when Thomas got home and she needed to hold my finger while Thomas pushed her in the stroller.  The research I have read says it is normal at this age for the baby to prefer the main caregiver over everyone else and to somewhat of stronger level.

Tomorrow morning we will drive out to Sea Cliff to check out a very promising house, a little above our budget, but very promising.  I have been at this ‘house searching thang’ for about a year and a half, our having finally decided on Sea Cliff as the place we want to live late last fall.  The spring market is starting to heat up a bit and has delivered us this house.  Built in 1898, a victorian, it seems to be fairly well maintained with a kitchen that would definitely need to be redone.  If we love it I am hoping we can get the price down to a more workable level for us, but we shall see.  Between the baby and the house my mental free space is very limited.  It was interesting to see however how nice life can be when you are not mentally focused on moving your life to some other destination.  The last three days I have spent very little time on house hunting and have had lots going on socially….so much more enjoyable to be living life versus planning a future and the related hunting for a house that is central to it.

So I think that I have been resisting the blog post today because I don’t feel really connected to my goals, meaning I know what they are but haven’t had a lot of free time to reconnect with the details of what I intend to accomplish over the next couple of weeks.  I get to print the goals out and have them in front of me at my desk, this always helps to keep me more aligned with the shorter and longer term goals.

I am excited about goal one and three, increasing glamour and increased personal and professional connection.  I keep forgetting the middle goal, which is fitness.  I think this might in part be because I have really been quite exhausted lately and haven’t physically felt well over the last couple of weeks, achy and feverish.  I get to make an appointment with my doctor to run some tests just to see what is going on and make sure I don’t need to increase my thyroid medication.  Anyway.  I get to get more connected to my goals and get organized with them.  I also get to get more committed about going to sleep at a decent hour and given that it is now 10:27 I will bid you all adieu….  As my babe says, ni ni….to all.

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9 thoughts on “The Baby is Crying

  1. I say if you are connected to those two goals, go with them!

    If glamour is infused into your life, looking and feeling sexy is a part of that. Perhaps you can roll the two in together?

    Also curious on what the research says on a way to deal with attachment that supports both you and your baby. I know you love her, but how does that constant need affect you? Affect others ability to help you with her?

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  2. You sound like the sweetest mom in world! I enjoyed reading your post and seeing how you didn’t let all of these things that would have gotten in the way for an average person get in yours.

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  3. You mention a lot of guilt when Amia gets to bed late and the time u spend being creative so that u keep things positive, avoid meltdowns, and be expeditious. What would it be like if U didn’t feel guilty? What would it be like if u really knew u were doing the best u can and it was enough, and u didn’t connect any weight to the results coz we aren’t the results. Would it be any easier to connect with ur goals? Would it free up some more energy?

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  4. I admire how in tune you are with motherhood and what it means to you to be Amia’s mom. & she’s sooo cute! I’m also very excited to hear that you & Thomas may be closer to buying a home. I pray you & Thomas find something that makes you both happy to create lots of really special memories in! As far as your resistance goes, look at how you stayed in action in spite of it. The negative feelings come but it’s not letting them win by being a distraction and keeping you from what you really want. If you need any makeup tips, I’m here. Love you, Jill.

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  5. Jill thank you for sharing this. I admire you for taking on goals above and beyond having a lot on your plate. Searching for a home is a goal in itself.. Being a mom is even more. I am glad you are sharing your occurring world because it makes me understand why you choose the goals you did! I will definitely be reaching out to say hello! It’s time for a trip to LIC!

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