Hey all, Autumn here. I just wrote a long ass post and my laptop decided to do a windows update right as I was about to hit publish. FML. It’s so typical for something like that to happen to me. I’ll make this post less saturated and more to the point. The original post was full of sentiments about what’s going on in my life, how I felt compelled to jump in and try PSP life when Jill talked to me about it the other day… but then I admitted how overwhelmed I felt/feel after talking with Hadar and getting clear on the expectations: all the communication, the ground rules, etc. Days 1-3 passed and I read all the whats app chats as they came in, but I felt like an outsider and I didn’t have the desire to change from being strangers into being connected. I already have so many people in my life that I could be focusing on and strengthening those relationships. Not to mention that I take care of so many people day to day as a hairdresser so I am feeling like it’s too much pressure to take on another 20 relationships.
I also realized that all the goals I made on my PSP were just the tip of the iceberg to what is at the root of what I really need. I think right now I am needing a one-sided relationship that I don’t have to feel guilty about having…. so I am going to leave this as a thank-you-anyway and go find a new therapist or perhaps work with my coach again.
Thank you for your input when I put my goals out there. It was eye opening the last few days to see how my listed goals were so surface to what I really think I need and want after a few more days of marinating on it. I guess that’s why I should not join the group late next time. I wish you all the best and I hope you’re open to me joining at another time in the future. For now, I am committed to revisiting my PSP goals and adjusting them to suit my need for creating peace within myself, learn to be accepting, and to embrace my imperfections. This talent I have for being intensely hard on myself is no longer serving me. That’s definitely the root of what I REALLY need! Thanks all. 4444.