My blog deadline was a few days ago, Thursday by midnight. I missed it and am aware I did, and I even practiced restoring integrity this afternoon with my small group at our first meeting of this cycle. The past two weeks I was early and I felt accomplished by following through and being my word, but I guess what was missing was my connection to the contribution aspect. I told my small group I felt like since I had been journaling to myself in my notebook, I had gotten a lot of my thoughts down anyway and almost felt like it didn’t matter or that no one would notice when I didn’t blog on time. I mean, no one did say anything to me, but there was still kind of a consequence. I got to deal with it in person when I felt compelled to admit it and get clear with the team. I noticed I still held back at the beginning of the meeting (even when I tried to restore integrity about missing my deadline) but I remained calm and open and by the end of the meeting I did feel lighter and connected to Emily, Hadar and Thomas. *Missed you Jill, we get to catch up this week by phone!
I am excited that I felt understood and supported. It’s not always easy to feel that way in my daily life with a team that hasn’t done any transformational work on themselves. Sometimes I feel like I am being too deep or that I come across elusive to my co workers. I really enjoyed meeting everyone; I learned so much by listening and giving feedback for others. I hope I participated in a way that supported you all as much as I felt supported as I analyzed the feedback you all gave me.
I am 99% sure I will email my boss tonight to see if the promotion at work is still on the table for me to accept. The past few weeks have had me come to the conclusion that the promotion is a reward for who I have been being for the past year and it is significant to the results I am committed to creating moving forward. Instead of focusing on what I think I “should” be before I accept the promotion, I can celebrate who I already am to my clients and my whole salon team. With the promotion accepted, I am embracing my self worth and trusting the universe is supporting my vision for incorporating the visionary coaching part of me. I don’t know what it will look like but as I told everyone earlier… I am shushing my controller and fueling the manifestor in me. I am still sourcing a space for my vision board event if anyone has any ideas let me know!
Lastly, I just want to share a sentiment from a beautiful moment I had with a stranger yesterday. My fiance and I went on a great date in Hells Kitchen where we shared Ethiopian food and then went on a “Shakesbeer” pub crawl- an LGBTQ fundraising event that one of my clients invited us to. Anyway, it was a lovely day, we were walking along and when we were waiting to cross at a street corner, I noticed the woman next to me was seemingly nervous by the cars wizzing past. I heard a bewildered sigh and sensed her uneasy energy, so I turned to make eye contact and realized she was blind. She had her walking stick for help but that particular corner didn’t have the auditory cues to let her know when to go. So without thinking, I just softly held her forearm and said,
“There’s so much traffic, hold on a sec and I’ll tell you when it’s safe.” The sound of her “thank you!” let me know she welcomed my offer and when it turned I told her “ok, it’s all clear, and by the way, you look beautiful today!” She half laughed, she sounded slightly surprised and as we parted ways, I heard her almost sing back, “So do you!! Thank you so!” and two abrupt, hot tears streamed down my face.
My fiance laughed and said something about how I’m his sweet girl and I went on to say how I almost felt bad that I said “you LOOK beautiful” because I then realized she couldn’t see the way I could. But here’s the thing, she didn’t need her eye sight to know my beauty. She felt my heart. It was a profound 1 minute of my Saturday. I have historically been annoyed with how sensitive I am but let me remember that there are no guarantees for having all 5 senses all of my life. Therefore, bring it on, senses 🙂 And to the blonde woman in the yellow cartigan on the corner of 44th and 9th, thank you for giving me an Amelie moment. You’ll never know the depth of gratitude you inspired in me in that moment for my own SUPER SENSITIVE senses… all of them.