Fell down but didn’t shatter

Last Monday night’s post, I was pretty much on cloud 9 and 4 long days that followed were full and high energy still. Tuesday I decided to skip the gym and sleep in to make up lost sleep from the weekend with our friends in town. I never made it to the grocery store due to my full schedule so I did not keep my word about bringing my lunch at all. I had another therapy appt Wednesday before work. It was really awesome and I’m so glad I’ve been going. I did only made it to the gym once, Thursday. And Friday morning I met my friend for coffee instead of the gym BC I was signed up for personal training this morning so I figured I could have it all and go for coffee pre work day! I had a ton of enrolling conversations with clients and coworkers this week. I feel good about that. I also did super well as a stylist this week (and really this whole month)- I mad all of my numbers goals/benchmarks and had a lot of success. I had 1 color appointment go wrong somehow (still doesn’t make sense why it happened but I’m seeking advice ourside of my salon BC no one I asked Friday knew the answer). Luckily, when I started Blowdrying and saw that the color was not as

intended, I was honest and showed the client and remixed a gloss and applied it and toned the highlights to make them look like we had intended in the first place. It’s such an uncomfortable situation for both parties when this happens but I am proud of how I handled it & the client thanked me for being honest and fixing it on the spot. We actually laughed about it once it was corrected and I felt like  I set a good example for my hairdresser peers on how to handle a difficult situation with grace and stellar customer service. I also talked to a few neighborhood peeps about my excitement to host an event in the garden of my salon next weekend… I was seeking support/looking to borrow tables & I found help from the neighbors, Nunu Chocolates! So I came home pretty positive & felt high on all my progress.

So then it was Friday night, I rode home and started talking with my fiancé who was already home. He made a comment about how he was tired and I kinda smirked in response, which immediately made him feel judged and less than. He knows that I fill my week with so much more than him, my work hours are longer and more physically demanding, I try to make an effort to work out, see my social worker, planning a community event, staying connected to friends and family & being a part of this group. During the week I balance spending time with him as well as make time for friends when I can. He looks at life differently and chooses to spend his time differently. When I smirked about being tired it was really because I took it in as information that further confirms what I believe about how when I’m living my life extraordinarily, it feels so much more fulfilling and I swear the energy recycles itself. Meaning, I feel less tired even though on paper it looks as though I should be exhausted. So yeah basically he got defensive, I tried to explain myself, he tried to explain himself, etc. We talked for a while until We both just got quiet and the energy in the house was less than loving, which I honestly haven’t experienced many times in the near 3 years building a life together. I went and took some alone time, showered & when I came back to the couch we sat quietly watching tv until he finally said “let’s go to bed.” When we laid down, I tossed and turned knowing we had both said hurtful things and I was upset still. I moved to the couch and started to cry uncontrollably. He heard me and came out and we talked until 2am. He held up a verbal mirror of how he experiences me pushing full speed ahead and that I think my way is superior to him and that he thinks I judge him because I think that the way he spends his time is less important than the way I spend mine. I see his point of view. And before I did any transformational work, I spent my time differently too. Sometimes I think that the tools I gained over the last few years are both a blessing and a curse. Because now that I know what it’s like to live life constantly breaking through barriers, I think it’s just so much richer and I have become obsessed with wanting others to try it. Which is probably why he feels pressured by me. We made up eventually, both were super vulnerable about our feelings and experience of one another and how we love each other as we are & that we don’t have to think/do exactly the same. That we compliment and inspire one another. He really is the rock to my hot air balloon. I love him so much and am not used to getting into disagreements or talks where I feel so discouraged/disempowering.  Thankfully, communication is a huge strength in our relationship and I can tell we were back to our loving selves by this afternoon.

I didn’t make it to the personal training this morning. I had only had 4 hours sleep and felt so tired I was nauseous. I cancelled  2 hours before and she was understanding.

Today I have spent most of the day at home, reflecting, writing, resting, reaching out to people to get participants for next Saturday’s vision board event! I have been in and out of my nerd. She keeps telling me I’m not ready to host this event, i didn’t plan far enough ahead, what I have to say isn’t valuable, I won’t know how to troubleshoot if people don’t understand the content of my “lesson plan”…not enough people will come, I would rather go to the beach instead, I feel disconnected from the group on our what’s app chat, I can’t align to any of the meetings before the cycles over, maybe I should reschedule it for July & see if I’m invited to Glamour night instead so I can solve feeling disconnected with the team. The thing is, I still went through and peri sally invited 12 people as well as through it out to our group as well as my personal LP. So even though my nerd is screaming in my head, my authentic self is believing the universe will reveal the path meant for me this week. I was going to go do something today but instead I didn’t let myself be “busied” with much of any thing. I stayed at home while David went to meet some friends. I painted my fingers and toes and relaxed. And obviously I’m blogging so that has taken a lot of time but I think it’s been important relection. Longest post ever!

So I am aware that I fell down after being so go go go & high on life this week, but what’s important to me is I didn’t shatter!

i feel still; a sense of peace is still with me.

oh, lastly, after I accepted my promotion at work after small group meeting, my boss has been quiet about it. So today I also wrote an updated list of my past 2-3years Continuing education and sent it over and said that acknowledging my latest education has helped me to feel ready for that promotion we talked about… Mind you she already said I had earned it… And she replied tonight saying that we will look at benchmarks again soon for price increase. It seems as if she has gone back on her word because the few times I have mentioned it since she initially brought it up, she suddenly has the emergency brake down. I don’t get it. I hope I’m misunderstanding something & that it will all make sense when I see her tomorrow.

Anyway, that is my long winded weekend update!

With love for myself and all those I come in contact with, in nerd mode or in contract! Xx

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