I spent most of the past week making lists of limiting beliefs I have about myself that I have held onto, stories I have told myself to limit myself from exploring certain career options, fears I have about my future, and the pressures I feel. I reviewed every personality test I have ever taken, and all the informational interviews I have done over the past three years. [There are very real reasons why I think I am an analyzer; It’s because my nerd is a massive analyzer.] I did all this because I still don’t know exactly what I want from my career.
But! I am closer. I want to do something in the field of psychology. To what extent? I don’t know….yet. Would a career in social-organization psychology fulfill me? Do I want a therapeutic private practice? Do I want to be a life coach?
How do I make this decision? Should I find a balance between what I want (probably something in a lower paying field) and what will bring me financial security? Do I do more informational interviews? Should I visit people at work? I keep feeling like there is a piece of the puzzle missing, and I need to keep exploring cause I will know it when I find it.
Other very relevant factors (or pressures) are that I am a final candidate for a job at a Jewish nonprofit (the work is halfies change management and halfsies community organizing, I think) and I have a few days left to decide if I want to accept an MA spot in a sister-program to social-organizational psychology. I both appreciate and hate these deadlines.
In case this blog reads as if I feel clear headed, let me clarify – I am not. Today, I literally burst out in tears at one point. It lasted a minute, and it was very confusing for me. But it happened. It’s a nice indicator that I am on the journey, but haven’t gotten to where I need to be.