Here’s the thing about this training for me. And it’s not just this training, it’s everything. I look at the world around me, watch a movie, read a book and get inspired. I’m a creator withering away in a consumer’s existence. What I lack, I had thought, was motivation. But that’s not it. I’m filled with motivation. I listen to a podcast about someone who has achieved their goals, and I’m motivated. I read a story, fiction an non-fiction alike, and I’m inspired by the characters. I see someone walking down the street looking like they’ve got their shit together and I feel motivated by their perceived success. But I don’t act.
I’m waiting to FEEL motivated but that’s not it, cause I’m got motivation in spades.
So I’m afraid. Afraid of failure, and of how I will look to others, and how I will feel about myself. I’m paralyzed by the fear, so I don’t create, I consume. But then I had a conversation with myself. I put myself in the place of a person like my and what I would tell them. This is what I said.
“You’re afraid of failing?”, I ask.
“Yes.” the fictional me replies.
“So you haven’t started doing, right?”
“So then you’re a failure.”
“What a horrible thing to say about me. What a horrible thing to think about me. How dare you, sir.” He looks sad and stricken.
“If you choose to never start, then you’ve failed at whatever it is you haven’t started.” I reply. “Well, what if you are a failure. Look where it’s gotten you. You’ve gotten yourself to this place where you’ve asked me this question. You’ve gotten a job, and a wife, and friends, and family who love you. And yet, you say that you’re afraid to fail.
So you’ve failed. You’re a failure, but you’re not dead. If you are currently a failure, there is no where to go but up. When you do start creating, if you don’t succeed, well you’ll be right here at the bottom, where you already are.
If you don’t try, you won’t succeed, and you’ll feel like a failure.
If you do try, and you don’t succeed, you’ll feel like a failure, but you’ll have gained experience. You’ve lost nothing in the attempt, you’ve achieved the same result.
The only way you can succeed is to attempt and you loose nothing in the endeavor.”
He, who is me, responds, “You know, you’ve got a point there.”
Don’t wait for motivation to act. Act and allow that to be my own motivation.
Next item to tackle… Future Happiness vs. Momentary Pleasure: The story of impulse control.