Loving, Present, and Mindful

Goal 1- Create a loving, trusting, and supportive environment with my family

Last Thursday morning, my husband, our son and I laughed together.  It was so spontaneous and wonderful. The joy on both their faces was priceless. Then I realized I did not recall when we last laughed together as a family. Based on this revelation, you would think it was all doom and gloom in our household.  Am I in denial?   If you ask me I would say we are a loving and happy family that do many fun things together.  I would also tell you how grateful I am always for both my husband and son.  This got me thinking if we were so happy and grateful, why would we not laugh together more?  Our family got along so well as week one progressed that I thought I have met my first goal. I felt so connected with myself and my family, why would I not keep this up?

This is the second week, and today my son kept asking me why am I yelling.  I told him defensively I was not yelling since I did not raise my voice, but I knew I was caught.  It was the tone of my voice, that critical tone I take on with people.  Being critical is my automatic.  I did a quick scan of my emotional state and felt disconnected, distracted, and annoyed.  I was not being loving, but I was trying to do “loving.”

Goal 2- Learn to Meditate

Is it me or does everyone feel anxious during meditation?  I’m researching and testing the guided meditations as well as going it alone.  The stress I’m feeling during meditation is a bit off putting.  I will not give up, this is not in my DNA. Perseverance is my middle name.

Goal 3- Change my last name

I decided to take this on even though it is more of a task.  I have not made much process on this front.  I did narrow my name down to two options from four.

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4 thoughts on “Loving, Present, and Mindful

  1. “Is it me or does everyone feel anxious during meditation?”

    Don’t know if anxious is the right word for how I feel. I would say that if I’m expecting something to happen and nothing does, it feels weird. I’ve moved beyond that – open to allow whatever thoughts come to come, just accept the gift of the time, and that usually does the trick.

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  2. Thanks, H! I appreciate you sharing your experience with me. It gives me fuel to continue on my meditation journey.

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  3. Hi Julie! I love that you noticed that you want to laugh more with your family. I think its interesting to notice, and i appreciate you talking about being happy versus actually laughing. I also want to laugh more. How amazing that you listened to your son and noticed that you were trying to “do” loving.
    I”ve noticed that i can be very critical when i meditate, trying to “do it right”, when there is no right way. We just get to practice self compassion, breathe, and when the mind wanders 1,,000 times, patiently bring it back to the breath 1,,000 times. Don” try to “”do” meditation. Be with yourself : )

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