Tryin’ to keep the sunshine with me

Has it seriously been only a week since I last posted? Feels like a month…probably because of the bi-coastal travel and time differences, or maybe because my head is in a million places. This (long) blog will be a great way for me to digest everything going on. Thanks for your indulgence!

This week was a great mix of LOTS of downtime and card playing with our close friends in LA, holiday/social time, airplanes, craziness at work and beginning to slow down for Shabbat. It’s also been up and down emotionally – mostly up and energized, but also down and unsettling at points.

A down phase came on Sunday as we prepared for the final holiday in LA. We had a great brunch with neighbors and played with the kids in the morning. I then took about an hour to update my resume and apply for a job, and in the afternoon Hadar and I took a quick jaunt to Venice Beach and Fairfax. I realized as soon as we started driving that I was feeling sad, overwhelmed and unsettled. I was able to talk things through with Hadar and by the time the day was over it had largely passed. He helped me see that it would be hard to feel anything but unsettled because of the nature with which I’m leaving my job. The unsettled-ness is only half of it, though. I’m incredibly stressed about everything that needs to get done before I leave and what things will look like after I leave. Everything is super ambiguous right now – we don’t know how long we’ll be in a pre-merger phase, and therefore don’t know if anyone will replace me short time or long term, I’m worried about our budget, our staff, and basically everything else.

While that might sound like perhaps I should stay longer to help things progress and ensure my own paycheck, I also recognize that I’m in an unhealthy place at work right now, getting uber burned out and would only be staying out of fear and scarcity. Fear that things can’t go on without me (not existentially or egotistically, but literally just need to figure out who will do the things I do) and that I may not get a new full time job for a few months. My last full time day is scheduled for Nov 30 (not coincidentally the last day of the PSPLife cycle!!) and we’ve kept it open about me continuing to offer part time support. This is a great setup, but I’m sure will continue to produce anxiety until it’s settled.

I checked in on my emotions a few times this week with regard to my transition, and I’m OK. I’m sad but OK when I tell people I’m leaving. I’m disappointed but OK when we plot out how the merger will move forward with all of the exciting program developments without me. The weirdest one was when I saw the press release that will go out that mentions the other two execs will assume senior roles in the new organization without mentioning me. I silently cringe knowing that people might think I was pushed out, but I’m not too worried. I have a rock solid reputation and I’ll be fine.

On the job front, I made lots of progress! I applied to a job that I’m super excited about, and got connected to a partner at the firm for an informational. I went to my grad school career office today for resume help and walked away with some good nuggets. She also affirmed that because I’m looking to switch industries and my resume doesn’t tell a clear story of why I’d be moving from CEO to consultant, that connections are my way in the door. The industry I’m looking in is broader than I’m used to and my resume would likely just fade into the abyss without connections. So I’ve been reaching out to colleagues to connect me to the right places.

I’m filling the calendar, and actually had my first informational this week! It was with a rockstar consultant who does work in the Jewish world, so not completely out of my sector, and therefore a good place to start. We talked for almost an hour and he gave me some great advice, more about independent consulting than about working within a firm, but a lot is translatable. He even gave me direct input about how to price my services if I do end up consulting on my own in between the two jobs.

Good stuff all around.

On the personal/wellness front, I was able to disconnect from this stress for a good amount of the holiday and visit with our friends. It was SO AWESOME to be with them and to be in sunny LA. I am truly obsessed with their kids (they’ve been asking for ‘Adar’ and ‘Ayomi’ ever since we left). I set up what i needed to for the next stage of IVF and have been taking my pills.

Today I got a long-awaited haircut – it’s always amazing how good a good haircut makes me feel!! Lighter and hipper 🙂 And I visited a new store, recommended by Mara, and picked up an amazing piece of clothing! Also signed up for a Dress for Success event at NYU with personal stylists and tips for interviews. This is a fun mini goal this cycle – feel great about how I look as I meet lots of new people.

Looking forward to a weekend full of friends and then a 6 am train to Baltimore for work on Sunday. Yes I’m traveling 8 hours to speak for 4 minutes at an event…totally normal, right???

Shabbat shalom!

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One thought on “Tryin’ to keep the sunshine with me

  1. Looking forward to see your new hair stye Ayomi. =)
    And yes why you said yes to 8 hours commute of 4 minutes speech? Perhaps there are more value you could gain from the event by listening to others? It reminds me a saying in China, “It takes ten years of preparation behind the stage for one minute of performance on the stage”. Cheers to a powerful and inspirational woman!

    Liked by 1 person

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