It’s hard to love yourself when you are out of integrity. I know, I know – this cycle is about experiencing unconditional self-love. But certain patterns have become more and more self-evident.
I have noticed a pattern at work. I start a job, I’m excited, they’re excited about me. I work hard, I look for ways to contribute, to grow, I take risks. I’m happy. They’re happy with me. I have found a space for myself and feel somewhat settled. Then I get complacent. Complacency leads to boredom and then on to paranoia. I start to hide, I isolate, I no longer take risks. I procrastinate, I push off things I don’t want to do. I try to get back on track and tell myself that I can turn the ship around, and regain the honeymoon feeling. But the weight of being out of integrity is heavy and real.
It’s clear, nothing works when I am out of integrity. What I resist, persists. It’s that simple. So I get to do what I know to do. Despite all the “pleasure” I get from avoiding the things that I don’t want to do.
Goal check: Affirmations feel nice and I’ve been doing them right when I wake up and before I go to bed. Thanks to my buddy who recommended free affirmations.org. – I selected 20 that I connect with. I am feeling the pain of being out of integrity and am pushing myself to set up goals and to do the things that I have been avoiding.
Do I feel like I am enough and love myself when I am out of integrity? I would be lying if I answered in the affirmative. But I’m getting there, creating a new possibility…