A teacher said this phrase during a yoga class this week and it really struck a chord. Perfection is a not attainable and is therefore a trap. As I do my best to handle life’s challenges (which feel abundant lately), I get to practice my ways of being with the perspective that practice makes better.
With that said, I think there may have been some decrease in my emotionality in the last week, which makes me hopeful. I have definitely had a few instances this week where I have felt triggered and overwhelmingly sad. Each time is hard and is also an opportunity to practice self-compassion (which is so much easier in theory than in the moment). I saw a psychiatrist on Monday to discuss my options were I to decide to go back on some medication, but am not ready to “give up” (my story) and go back on something yet. I know that it’s ok if I ultimately decide to but I also want to really be thorough in seeing how it feels without the medication before I make that decision. It seems that the medication was covering up some latent anxiety (not surprising) and possibly depression as well (which feels much harder).
I have continued to apply for jobs and had an interview yesterday that I think went really well. I was on such a high after the interview, which was an interesting contrast to my state recently. The company is small (three women!) so I met with the founder yesterday and am going to meet with the other two women next week. Because they are so small, there is a lot of room for flexibility in the role. It seems that I would be able to craft the job to do a lot of things I like. I re-read the description of what I said I’m looking for– something light (even fun!) with a warm, open, informal culture where I can help others and use my people skills in a non-clinical setting–this seems to be a great fit. I don’t want to get my hopes up too high (who am I kidding, they’re up), but I am definitely excited about this possibility.
I have been making an effort to be playful the last few days and have felt good about it. I decided to schedule play in my calendar which helps remind me that it is important, not just an afterthought. Looking forward to game night tonight for a solid dose of play as well.