The hubs and I finally saw Avenue Q! I loved this play in college and haven’t listened to the music in years. This year I decided it was time to finally see it, so we went as a belated birthday present. It was awesome. The opening scene was about people finding themselves with many references to career. I related up. The hubs related to a song about loving people a lot but also wanting to kill them.
What has really been coming up for me this week is my constant assumption that I am wrong or have made a mistake. I don’t know where it stems from. I am sure it was long-standing and that my previous job did not help. Example #1: this week someone at work asked if we could have a coffee date since she likes what I contribute in meeting and my overall energy. I actually assumed she was lying. My first thought was: what strategic value would a meeting with me bring and why would she be asking for one? Example #2: I received an email response from someone I was coordinating something with. I had responded to her last email with all the necessary information in a timely manner. When I saw that she replied my first thought was: oh man, she is probably following up since my last email didn’t go through and she is nudging me to do my part of the project. Wrong. She was replying to thank me for the quick response and for doing my part. Point is – this happens a lot. Lesson? There is a lot that happens in my head that doesn’t serve me.
My super vague, being-oriented goals are going swimmingly, probably because I have had other successes. I felt like for the past four years very little went right. This past month I feel like everything is going right. It is very confusing to shift my world outlook, how I see myself as a result, and navigate what to do with this information. I say that super seriously.
Here is a glimpse into some of wonderful things that are happening…My brother is happily dating someone and has started talking about marrying her!!!! For years I have been looking into cheaper orthodontic care options and this week I found out I might be able to have some work done for free! I got into my first Social Work graduate school which means I have an option for next year if I want it! And…I made it past the first round toward a fellowship that I am interested in!
When it comes down to it and I need to think about my career, make a decision or think about the future I still freak out…but less! Again, maybe on a track to making a healthy decision, maybe I am just masking the issue, or maybe I am creating a life such that I really can succeed.