Oddly resistant

Ordinarily I relish writing my blog post, yet tonight I find myself oddly resistant. Perhaps it’s because I’m in the middle of activities related to collecting all of our financial records to get our taxes prepared and Lord knows, that will make me the biggest cynic on the planet.

It’s funny how much I feel like we simply churn our wheels, and no matter the progress we make year-to-year – paying off 1 of 2 final student loans (and the one with the high monthly payment), increasing monthly savings, shifting ongoing payments to different credit cards for better benefits, etc. – come the Spring-time and I face reality in black-and-white once again: we’re nowhere close to where I thought I might be one day.

It’s even odder that I have this reaction seeing as money is not a motivating factor for me…let’s be honest, if it were, I’d probably have taken jobs that pay more than the jobs that I had, and I would have likely been obsessing over it more than just once a year at tax-preparation time.

 

I’m even finding that I’m not interested in discussing my goals and PSP – for all that I  I had a pretty good week, including a small group meeting, catching up with a buddy Thursday night, a nice weekend with a fun communal Friday night Shabbat meal at a local synagogue and then hosting 12 people for lunch, visiting friends in NJ Saturday night before joining JBG for his birthday drinks and chill in Harlem…all good times!

 

I even had a chance to spend some quality time today with most of the current LP and to drop into the LP life, but with the distance of engaging as a spectator. There’s something about the rigor of LP that simultaneously generates more breakdowns, but with those, more opportunities for breakthroughs.

While I wonder if the more casual approach that we apply to PSPLife presents us with those same opportunities for cathartic breakthroughs, I’m nevertheless relieved to be free from a situation that in my experience was full of synthetic stress. From time to time it’s good to be subjected to the pressure of a being in a boiling pot, but living that lifestyle non-stop is only for adrenaline junkies or a recipe for a heart attack.

I’m in total drift land at this point, and if you’ve stuck with me, apologies for no closing words of wisdom. I’m enjoying Hamilton so far, only a bajillion more pages to go and I’ll be half-way through. My guitar rendition of Won’t Back Down is coming along slowly, but this week between playing guitar and cooking, I chose cooking. And it was yummy. 🙂

 

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