Staying committed

This past week I stayed committed to my non to do list being goal. I went to my first group meditation session which grounded me. I got to connect with others. I love surrounding myself intentionally with a community of different but like minded people. This is why I love PSP life and all of you in it. By staying committed to how I want to show up in the world I continue to discriminate and choose how and who I want to spend my time with. I have felt an overall shift since I stated this goal to myself. I have been limiting my time with friends who are not in the same space we are while at the same time not judging them but becoming curious. This has really been my focus and will continue to be for the last week. I want to be curious about myself, others and let myself continue to ask, observe and listen. I have also been shifting my time to reflect what my core values are instead of focusing on only 2 out of the 5 for the majority of the time.

Up ahead I received my new book I ordered, meeting with my small group tomorrow and will do an inventory on Sunday of what I get to do in the last 7 days to feel accomplished with this cycle.

Highlight of the week: A special moment happened this week with a friend who I used to date. During the last few years since he moved away at various times he has delt with some mental health issues and we have discussed them and I have been a big support for him and he has been a big support for me during my personal growth and reflection stage I have been taking on for the last few years.

Keeping to my curiosity theme I started to wonder …it was such an intimate and great feeling of connection we created this past week on our skype call and this past few years really in the depth of our conversations. We really lift each other up and I felt that we both get each other and feel heard. What is interesting is that when we dated a few years back we merely went out on dates and slept with each other casually. I never even knew he had a deeper side?  Is there something behind me being able to be vulnerable with someone that is my friend who I am not dating. What is behind my feeling that I could share what I was working on or going through with my Dad and my am I enough question with him only because he shared he had some mental issues he was going through? It was almost like subconsciously I said oh its ok if he knows something is wrong with me or im not perfect because so does he.  What are the prices I have been paying in my intimate relationships by not being vulnerable or going deeper in my previous intimate relationships with him and others?  I don’t want to have my ego or perfect story get in the way of this going forward. I commit to continue being curious and working on this area. I have shared with some of you my “imperfections” and you still love me. So will others!

 

 

Advertisements

One thought on “Staying committed

  1. I liked reading this. It shows how aware you are and you continue to work on how you want to show up. I also like how you are doing what works for you like the Skype Calls and/or seeing the person while talking. Our talk about the Trust Exercise during basic reminded me how we have both changed and the stories that I have or had. It also seems that you have been working on being more intimate — maybe some are not as ready as you.. I guess I am thinking to the gentleman you dated in San Antonio.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s