So my goal for last week was to get my Isagenix stuff ready so that I can begin their 30 days cleanse this week. I have to admit I have a lot of funk about this because I have always judge people who use these types of programs. I REALLY want to loose some weight fast for my graduation and I knew that using something like this could help me get a head start on this goal. I am excited to try it but I still feel a lot of funkiness around it. I don’t really want to share with anyone that I am doing it except for people who need to know (You guys).
The whole weight thing has really been on my mind a lot lately because I have started to feel like sometimes I do things in order to have people like me. I recently connected this feeling to a memory of being in middle school and always getting picked last for teams (I know super cliche). So in my mind, I feel like now I always have to be this amazing leader, giver, creator in order to be liked. I also started looking at how I always have to create this party atmosphere around me and in particular focus so much on other people having fun. Especially girls who I think are pretty. I am sorting through all of these ideas and ultimately I want to be free of any beliefs I have about myself and who I have become due to my weight.
The whole ankle thing has been annoying because it feels like a roadblock but Brandy has been very supportive and I think this week I will be able to get some gym time in.
I have, to be honest, I feel like there was a lot more I wanted to say but I left this to the last minute. I think next week I will have some definitive declarations that I can discuss here and I’m also going to write stuff as I think of it instead of trying to remember it all on Sunday night. I feel a little lost right now but I think I can get on track this week.