I love blogging. It really helps me process my feelings. It was tremendously beneficial for to me to put my pain into words during last week’s blog post. Naming the feekings and seeing them in writing helped me shift.
One of my goals is about creating happiness…which was meant to be a fun, light goal. I found a way to make it super serious and intense. I’ve evaluated how I experience and define happiness, compared happiness/joy, and processed how these factors played into my recent meltdowns.
Lessons learned (my favorite lens though which to see things):
-I have not been living out my true happiness, and therefore have not felt happiness. I want to find a warm and intellectual Jewish communtiy, buy a house, make great friends, build a career that helps the world, and have babies with a loving, supportive husband. This is all in my reach but I have not been working towards that and it has been hard for me. That is also why I realized that taking steps toward my real estate goal (hubs and I went to the bank on Sundat to start the mortgage approval process) is actually fun for me. Living my dream is my fun. I think that’s why I find lectures way more fun than traditionally fun activities, like going to a bar.
– I’ve been letting outside factors (husband, NY, family responsibilities) drive my decisons. Let’s not confuse the reality – I put this pressure on myself; no one else put those pressures there. AE would call this my ‘victim narrative.’ Much of my occuring world lately has not been a reflect of, or in pursuit of my truth or desires. This isn’t bad; I have been paying attention to many needs. I kinda just hoped that fulfilling needs would create happiness and so far that’s not working.
– My life lately is about things that I don’t have yet, so I haven’t been able to enjoy the fruits of my labors.
– I have been working towards a smart, sustainable life. Apparently I need to also have passion. I was not thrilled to discover this, but I’m sure it will be an asset in the longrun.
– I feel drained a lot of the time. I want to switch my framework from ‘fun’ or ‘not fun’ to what ‘exhausts’ or ‘energizes’ me. I stole this concept from Myers Briggs. I think it will liberate me.
– I did do some traditionally ‘fun’ thinks this week. I went to Beauty and the Beast in 3D with two friends, just now skipped my evening activities (laundry and cleaning) to grab dessert with a friend, and, along with other PSP-ers, I am planning a birthday party for a friend. These are all things that energized me 🙂