I feel so much better today than I did last blog day or last weekend. It’s crazy how circumstances go up and down and emotions go up and down (sometimes those two are connected and sometimes not!) – and hence why I like the phrase ‘this too shall pass.’ As some of you have pointed out, it’s OK to be sad – and I agree – but of course, I feel more myself when I’m not.
This was a good week chock full of good activities – self defense with Mara (confronted my fear! Thanks Mar), some good time with friends, exhilarating walks in the slowly-turning-nice weather, and PSPLife happy hour tonight.
For my joy goal, I talked things through a bit with my small group, and when I started building my ‘joy list,’ I realized it was different than a fun list, or a bucket list. Fun is good too, but in this cycle I’m focused on joy – which is more of a feeling than an experience. When I started to create my list of things that bring me joy I noticed they tend to relate to certain feelings or ways of being – connection with people, relaxation, indulgence, gratefulness. Things I mentioned in my PSP like sunshine, walks in the park, chilling in our new garden (!) and trust me – if it were easily accessible – walks on the beach. Other things like parties, one-on-one connection with friends, date nights with Hadar. Real Simple (the magazine) and my three Jennifer Weiner books currently checked out of the library. Coffee in the morning with hazelnut creamer. My purple orchid. Moments of quiet in the evening. The list essentially represents my life of straddling the line between extrovert and introvert. I get tons of energy from being with people, laughter, playing games etc. But I also CRAVE quiet relaxation. So now I have a list and get to use it! (and build on it – would love to hear others’ elixirs of joy.
Interestingly, meditation (my second goal) did not make it on my joy list. I don’t know if I haven’t found inherent joy yet in my experience, or if I’m still judging it/getting used to it, or maybe it’s just not about joy for me. It may be about peace, or clarity, or patience – or nothing. But I’m doing it – in varying ways – and I’ll reflect as I go.
Today I had a huge accomplishment, though, and not related to my goals. In fact, if I had had a goal in this area (finance) like Emileah or Josh I probably wouldn’t have done it. But for some reason, Hadar and I randomly launched into a 2-hour session last night reviewing our finances and doing some planning. (I think I successfully convinced him to sell our stock in General Electric and invest in Facebook instead!).
That session last night led me to spend an hour today – just a single hour! – getting on top of financial tasks I had avoided for YEARS. Like literally – I called a bank about an account I closed in 2010 to check on something lingering. And I salvaged a money market account that had about $1,400 in it that I barely knew about – they literally had sent me notices for years, apparently, and it wasn’t until I read the most recent one last night that I noticed it said – we haven’t heard from you in 3 years and will be closing your account!
I also set things up to enroll in my 401K next week (after I hit my 90 day mark at my job – which I didn’t know was the benchmark until I looked into it today), called to roll over my last 401K, and set up my flex spending for next year. I’m appreciating having certain benefits that I wasn’t able to get at small nonprofits over the years.
It got me thinking about the way we talk in the training about the prices we pay. Granted, we’re generally talking about prices way beyond $1,400 – we talk about paying prices in our life like giving up our freedom, connection, ambitions etc when we make certain decisions or – more often – avoid certain things. That’s why the money conversation about enrollment in the training is not the hard part for me. As I say, you literally cannot put a price on creating something like freedom in your life. or stepping into your power, or accessing your vulnerability. Or being your word. I’ll never forget Kathy looking someone in the eye and saying ‘if you get NOTHING else from this training but committing to being your word, it’ll be worth every penny you spend.”
But almost paying the price on stupid things like letting bank accounts close, or forgoing a company match on my retirement fund – is also pretty significant. I hereby commit to stay on top of my mail/paperwork by handling incoming items within a week!
I’m loving the momentum, energy and hardcore authentic integrity in this cycle, and I’m feeling how much so many of us are on fire as a result. To a good week/end!