Hadar- Shift may happen, but dang if it’s slow sometimes

Goals so far:
1. Marathon & Fitness – Overall going well, but I hit a slight holding pattern after going to an orthopedist this week for my back and being sent for an MRI. She’s concerned that the training, which will be high-impact, may have a negative effect on my back, which is already causing me some pain. TBD.
In the meantime, I’ve held of from finalizing the last part of my registration and drafting emails to fundraise…but I may make that decision soon enough anyway if I can’t get a follow-up appointment quickly enough. From my perspective, I’m in it to win it, but not if my Dr says not to. If she says it’s my call and she doesn’t think I’ll hurt myself I’m good to go!
I continued my training today with my 6 mile run (not the actual loop, but I did get in the distance AND at a pretty even pace per mile, see below).  I also schedule a time with Brandy for tomorrow to learn how to use the machines in my building’s gym for strengthening my upper body and other various body part not getting exercised by running.  Thank you Brandy!! I’m excited to learn what all those mysterious machines mean.
For now I’m going to hold off buying a heart rate monitor as my approach is really distance-based rather than ‘optimal heart-rate’ based.
The area where I’ve been half-assing this goal is getting my meals set up each week in advance. I’ve been pretty good about making and bringing salad for lunch and increasing my fruit, veggie & water intake, but I’m not yet planning a week’s meals, and so I’m not really getting the variety I would prefer in my meals.
Hadar 6.1 miles
Goal 1 Rating – 80% of where I want to be…not so bad!
Goal 2 – Sourcing Side income
I haven’t yet followed up with the woman I contacted about buying her share of a family trust…she blew me off in a way that both made me feel like I want to pursue, but also in a way that made me think it will never go anywhere. I definitely have a lot more to pursue with this goal.
I will say that I’ve started to pull out my phone as I walk around Manhattan and everyone time I notice a low (1-2 story) building not connected to a large tower I take a picture of it.
That said, I’m going to dive into a bit into what’s underneath this goal for me.
First, I have a basis for the type of life I want my family to have, and a large part of it is set by the experiences I had as a kid. We had enough food and clothing as we needed it, lived in a house, we were a two-car family, we attended Jewish schools from K-12 + gap year abroad & college, we had family vacations, we had a summer cottage, and probably a lot of other things that I’m taking for granted. It was a really wonderful, idyllic way to grow up, and I want to be able to provide a similar experience for my family.
The costs for doing that, I feel, have skyrocketed to the absurd. I went to no-frills schools (mix of what was available, educational philosophy, and other), but in the mid-90’s, my high school was likely ~$15K a year, and nowadays that would likely be closer to $25K. Forget high school – a friend was telling me back in 2009, the year we got married – that the cheapest kindergarten in Northern NJ was $14K a  year.
So freaking out a little is only a bit on my radar.
I’m thankful that I have a job I enjoy. It’s one in which I feel that I’m able to pursue good things for the world, develop my skills, build a new revenue stream for an organization and remain in the conversations related to tech…all in all, really rewarding. That’s not even touching the amazing benefits of health insurance coverage in today’s crazy world. And yet…I wonder. I have an MBA from Columbia and have in the past made more than I’m making now. I have the capability and capacity to earn more, and these are my prime earning years.
Yes, it’s nice and wonderful to enjoy your job, but sometimes, that’s not always the important part of life (see K’s post from last week for a similar idea). At what point am I doing my family and our future a disservice by not pushing myself to maximize my revenue and earnings potential right now?
There’s a significant part of this goal that’s coming as a way to try and play both sides – I can stay in my role, while also pursuing a way to earn more money for my family. I can’t tell if I’m saying this just so I can comfort and console myself, or if I’m serious about it. Moreover, at times I get really frustrated with myself for not having clarity for myself around this issue, around what I want to do, or so much more.
I work for a well-known organization, and one of the many benefits if that people are always trying to hire people away from the company. I’ve had a number of head hunters reach out to me, but because I’m now doing non-profit fundraising, all the roles that are coming my way are in the non-profit, fundraising space, and I’m honestly not yet convinced that’s what I want to do with my life.
There’s also a piece of this that picks up on my relationship with my dad. He’s fantastic. No question and hands down. I state regularly that many of my friends stay close to me just so they can hang out with him. He’s cool, quick, gets it, amazing story/joke teller, great listener, and just generally someone that people enjoy spending time with. My dad and uncle took over my grandparents’ business and ran it until they sold off pieces and closed down the rest. I’ve grown up in a very entrepreneurial household and feel that running my own business is somehow in my blood – and yet, I feel endlessly frustrated at trying to come up with an idea that I feel sufficiently energized by or that I think is big enough to pursue.
In the interim, I don’t do anything. I’m so frozen by my question of my own future success or failure (and failure to live up to my image of my dad in my head) that I refuse to act, often even refuse to get down into the question of where my passions lie that I may wish to pursue (Kyla brought this up when reviewing my PSP).
I’m also scared to face the question – what if I can’t point to any of my interest areas as a passion that I want to pursue? For example, I love cooking…do I REALLY  want to open a restaurant?
But the flip side of that question is, if I don’t work for myself, then what type of work am I actually going to do? When I leave my org, do I go back to consulting? It’s been so many years that my skills are raw. Do I do as the head-hunters prefer, and take another role at another organization?
I don’t know. I don’t know how to answer so many of these questions, and right now they ALL feel like HAVE tos. Last week was a sucky week for a bunch of reasons, some work, some not – and a part of it was that I’ve been feeling the miserable part of this goal and I haven’t yet figured out how to tackle it in a positive, reinforcing, GET to fashion.
I need to do some major shifting here, and also some real heart and soul searching. I’m open to ideas for frameworks, books, quizzes, etc. that can assist, although I know that the answer must come from me if it is to be authentic & genuine, and one that I will feel energized (good one Eliane!) to pursue.
In the meantime, I will share that Naomi and I had portraits with Joanna tonight and we’re really excited to see how they will turn out!
Wishing everyone a great week and a strong start to Week 3 of 8!

5 thoughts on “Hadar- Shift may happen, but dang if it’s slow sometimes

  1. Thanks for embracing the inquiry you did in this post, I still am unsure myself. I honestly don’t want to “martyr” for my family and it’s a real danger, I have strong “martyr” tendencies. I think the dream is finding the win-win, but what is it, and is it possible? Jury’s out on those questions for me, but I’m forging ahead with the path in front of me. Your dad is great and very charming, though I fault him in part for the Blueberry Pie Incident.


  2. “but I’m not yet planning a week’s meals, and so I’m not really getting the variety I would prefer in my meals.” On Thursday I was so impressed that you and Naomi went back home and prepared for Shabbat. You both made it seem so easy. How can you carry that to preparing for the week?

    “My dad and uncle took over my grandparents’ business and ran it until they sold off pieces and closed down the rest. I’ve grown up in a very entrepreneurial household and feel that running my own business is somehow in my blood – and yet, I feel endlessly frustrated at trying to come up with an idea that I feel sufficiently energized by or that I think is big enough to pursue.”

    One thing that’s different from what your dad and uncle had is that they had a business to go into. Yes, its entrepreneurial and it was their own company but it was established (I dont know anything about it but I am just guessing). From what it sounds like your father and uncle made a choice to enter the company. Give yourself some credit as you have been experimenting and researching different options. It sounds like the real estate is an interest. Have you thought about dedicating one month without distractions to it and see how it feels e.g. networking, researching, etc.

    My buddy often looks at this site called http://www.loopnet.com It has some commercial offerings. I didnt see as much as I thought in Manhattan.


  3. Hadar, I loved your honesty here. You’ve already done so much work around discovering your skills and what you want – I think drawing on that and paying attention to what the world needs is the most important thing. What parts of your job do you like? How at this point can you leverage your skills into something higher level using the contacts you already Have? I can see you being very effective as a CFO at a non-profit or other org… what part of entrepreneurship attracts/excited you? What other professional realms offer that element?


  4. I’m very impressed by your health goal stats Hadar! Regarding career and earning potential, based on my experiences with job search last year I would definitely advise to be careful not to confuse the role of head hunter with that of a career advisor. It looks like they are presenting you with opportunities that are the best for them, not for you. Fastest way for them to cash in on placement fee, but not really changing anything in your situation, with the added disadvantage of getting established at a new place.
    Are there any elements in your current job that give you more joy, connect to an interest or passion? Something you can use to eventually branch out on your own, or find another employer needing a leader with your skills and passions?
    Your description of your dad makes me smile; that’s exactly how I would describe you to a stranger…


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