Week 3 – Not Choosing Overwhelm

Overwhelm is a choice.  My mind was blown when Advanced Ed first introduced this to me.  Overwhelm was certainly something that I chose on the regular and it sure as hell didn’t feel like a choice.  But like anything else, apparently it takes practice.

I am proud to say that I had the opportunity to practice this week.  On Monday, work got crazy as all of the sudden and I was juggling two crazy billion dollar closings.  I had my small group meeting on Monday night.  And last week, I mentioned to the attorneys working with me on these deals that I had a meeting that I couldn’t miss.  And so, in the middle of the craziness I ran out to my small group meeting at Emily’s.  The piece that really felt good was that I was able to be present for the two hours during the meeting despite knowing that I had to go back to work after and it was going to be a late night.  That never would have happened years ago.  Even if I would have made it to the meeting, I would have been antsy the whole time.  Not on Monday.  Because overwhelm is a choice and I did not choose it.

I actually  referenced Kyla at the meeting – remembering that she had a great post cycles back in which she discussed overwhelm as a choice – saying something along the lines of – it’s not the 20 things on your to-do-list that creates the overwhelm, it’s your reaction to the 20 things on your to-do-list.  That really resonated with me.  The meeting was great.  I went back to work energized and was there until 12:30am.

Last night I went to therapy (a social worker) for the first time in years.  I told her that I am feeling better than I have in many years, maybe ever.  But the reason I am here is because I want to work on 1) anxiety (and how to deal with it better) 2) vision – have a better understanding of why I haven’t felt worthy to create one for myself until now, and to get cracking 3) intimacy – while I have just come out of the healthiest relationship of my life, where I learned so much about love, trust, acceptance and partnership, I want to continue to understand what I want and need so that I can find my partner.

I felt open, free, trusting, vulnerable, inspiring…I concisely gave her my whole shpiel and it felt really good.  I told her all about my struggles and the work that I have been doing.  Occasionally she would pipe in with a poignant question.  After describing feeling like a fraud in my 20’s, she asked me if I feel like a fraud now.  I said sure.  But then I thought about it and I didn’t connect to that word at all.  I DON’T FEEL LIKE A FRAUD ANYMORE.  I feel integrated.  I feel like me is starting to come out again.  I feel like I have a lot of work to do in creating a vision, BUT I DO NOT FEEL LIKE A FRAUD.  WOW!!!  That’s some serious good shit right there.

Today, work was nuts again.  I felt the pressure of trying to wrap things up so that I could do my growth challenge and write my blog post.  I left work at 10:50.  I deliberately did not take a car service so that I could meet someone on the train.  I met Chelsey Hill on the 2 train.  She teaches kids art and is a singer.  She is from Nebraska, has been living in the Heights for the last two years and loves it.  I asked her what she could do today to make her life better.  She thought for a while and then said, update her website.  I asked her what she could put in place to make that happen.  She said she needs 20 min.  She has been at work since 6am and was on the train with me.  She agreed to do the 20 min tonight!!!

https://www.chelseyhill.com

This is the quickest blog post I have ever written.

NOT CHOOSING OVERWHELM.  JUST GETTING IT DONE.

Growth challenge – I am 15 for 15!!!

11:59, blog post is in!!!

 

 

 

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5 thoughts on “Week 3 – Not Choosing Overwhelm

  1. love this post. it doesn’t feel rushed at all. i remember my moment in AE where was like wow…it was about being accountable for everything that happens..everything. ken gave an example of a car accident he was in. at first it was totally the other driver’s fault completely, but by the end of the story, he took responsibility for all of the events. and i just got it. you never have to be the victim. we are always empowered to be the one responsible.

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  2. It feels so good to experience you working through this. This cycle you are really going for it and taking it to the next level.

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  3. You sound like a totally different person than you were three years ago when we met! It’s wonderful to read about the calm you have created in your life. With this foundation, the vision will come.

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  4. Although we were only buddies for a short time in a previous cycle, I have to say, I am experiencing you in completely different way. I wanted to tell you this during the small group meeting but we got caught up in something else. I am blown away by your growth challenge. I want to practice it once I start working at the hospital =).

    When we were walking out and you said you had to go back to work I was astounded. You are really on another level right now and I feel lucky to be able to witness it. I made time today to comment on blog post because of the convo we had during the small group meeting. Keep it up man!

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