Hadar – Forgiveness

I have a gym tutorial class scheduled for tomorrow evening and this morning I got in my 7+ mile run!

What’s funny is that despite getting in the distance I wanted at the pace I wanted, I still almost feel like I cheated myself simply because I chose to run along the reservoir for a good chunk of the mileage instead of the normal path. The reservoir path is fairly flat whereas the park loop has hills, which I elected to avoid today.

The idea that I am holding something against myself ties nicely with the opportunity I have for a breakthrough with my second goal. Naomi and I discussed what was coming up for me and we also compared it to my experience in the original Journey (starting with Basic) as well as the similarities or differences between the 2.

Naomi asked what would allow me to shift and create the opportunities that I want, in whatever industry they may be in or form they may take, and I couldn’t come up with an answer. My gut even went so far as to prefer that I ditch the goal to avoid the heaviness around it. Needless to say, I understood that the crux of her question was how I could move myself to a place where pursuing the activities and the doing around the goal was light and fun for me.

I could not determine an answer, and the benefit of having a wonderfully intuitive spouse and having an openness in communication with that person is that, unlike a coach, they sometimes give you the answer. In this case, Naomi felt and it felt so accurate as soon as she said it, that I need to forgive myself for anything where I may be judging myself – perhaps for lost wages from past years, for knowing that I’m not maximizing my earnings potential now, for any number of things.

I have undoubtedly been making this goal and everything related to it into ‘have tos’ and that has generated an inordinate amount of resistance to pursuing it. Accepting that I can’t change the past is a great affirmation for me, as is knowing that the future is full of possibility. Additionally, that possibility is one that I can chase, I can work to create it, and I can have fun with it…but if I leave it as a heavy have to, none of it will actualize. 

So with that, I’m asking for support – anyone have any good self-forgiveness exercises? Thanks in advance!


2 thoughts on “Hadar – Forgiveness

  1. Self forgiveness exercises…well. You know that picture of that chart dealing with hardships and what you gain from them: you may want to try that. Loving-kindess and forgiveness meditations. And the good ol yell, scream, cry it out…some sort of release. My question is what do you get by continuing to judge yourself so harshly? What’s possible once you stop?


  2. I have been thinking about your post a lot.. I have also been figuring out how to write this perfectly but that defeats the whole purpose of being authentic.

    “Naomi felt and it felt so accurate as soon as she said it, that I need to forgive myself for anything where I may be judging myself – perhaps for lost wages from past years, for knowing that I’m not maximizing my earnings potential now, for any number of things.”

    You seem like you have some regret about a career decision? Is salary the only measure of weighing success? It seems like you have accomplished a lot at your current job. I am guessing that you had the chance to pursue other “lucrative opportunities” in fields like consulting, finance, etc. but you did not pursue that – you chose this.. and it seems like you both have benefited (your employer and you).

    I hope you do forgive yourself as “outside looking in” you have accomplished a lot. I am basing this on some of the accomplishments that you have highlighted over the past years.. Frankly I am inspired by those shares – and most importantly the energy of those shares. On our last call you spoke about something that you strive to have fun. Isn’t that important too? Would you have had fun and/or been fulfilled in your previous positions? Maybe you would have.. but I am guessing that you would have pursued those opportunities if you felt that you would have been fulfilled.

    Look I get it…I remember in grad school I thought that investment banking would be great for me. Mainly because I knew that it was considered “lucrative”. Through networking I got an interview with a bank on the business analyst side (a stepping stone job). I recall one person describing his job and it entailed lots of spreadsheets and number analysis. I stopped the discussion and said This does not excite me. I am not going to waste your time… I am looking for something more related to sales, and marketing. I realized that there was a reason why I chose the career I did…

    Again outside looking in, you seem to be doing some cool things about researching other opportunities. How could you make this fun? You have the innate ability to network and connect with people. This alone will bring you places.


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