Starting Fresh

First off, I would like to acknowledge that it is 7 am on Tuesday and I did not blog yesterday, I inadvertently fell asleep when putting my daughter to sleep and woke up at 1am.  It is important to the integrity of this team that I keep my word, and I acknowledge that I did not keep my commitment as I intended with my blog post yesterday.  Moving forward you can expect that I will continue to blog as usual on my selected day of Monday.

As for goals, both are more being goals than doing and to refresh they are:

1- Not giving a fuck what people think

2- Putting my needs on same level as the needs of others I care for

Goal 1 has not taken off entirely, I think in larger part because I haven’t been feeling well.  I am aware of this dynamic in my day to day life which is great, but was hoping to really push the envelope and haven’t felt really strong.  As an example, I would *never*, in the past, want to put before and after pictures out there for anyone to see of my weight loss over time.  For those that don’t know me I am not a big person, but I had a child at 42 and an emergency csection at that, so my stomach area has not bounced back *yet* ;0) and it seems to be the location of choice for weight gain.  Early last week I took front and side pictures in advance of my blog post with the full intention of posting them.  Then during the day on Monday I got sick and I haven’t felt fully well since then.  It takes something internal to push your boundaries in such a big way, and this kind of picture posting is a huge boundary shift for me.   I do have the intention to start doing this however.  I also have been talking about doing some body painting or something similar….this and posting before pictures are huge stretches for me.  I really want to go big if I can make it happen.

Goal #2 I have really been able to stay on top of pretty consistently.  I had gotten into a really bad cycle over the last couple of years of putting myself last.  I really got clarity on why I have been doing this, except for the normal reasons of wanting to care for my little baby/child who means everything to me.  In larger part I was equating my self worth to the fact that I am not making money right now in my life and it hit me like a ton of bricks when I uncovered this.  I have been stepping it up lately, pushing on my husband a bit to step in more (I had enrolled him in my past way of being pretty well and he had been use to my managing everything myself….he is on board for my new way of being too so that has been good) and I am aware of the dynamic quite consistently.  I have been getting back in to the city and meeting up with friends which makes me feel like an individual person again and also balances my life out in the burb, albeit a beautiful, progressive and open minded burb. (Sea Cliff)

I am really finding a lot of value in digging in to the two goals I selected for this cycle and even though I am working on most of these things remotely, having some structure and accountability has been enough for me.

All the best for a powerful week beautiful people!

 

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3 thoughts on “Starting Fresh

  1. LOVE what I’m reading this far. I get the feeling this got cut off.

    I experience you as being so incredibly brave and insightful. Unlearning caring about approval is really difficult; we’re hard wired for it, but here you are loving yourself enough to unravel 40 years of beliefs (sometimes I just get this overwhelming sense of, damn, this human and this group are amazing. You are amazing). What’s holding you back from posting the picture? The story that you will be judged. But reading your story, I experience hope that even though my relationship just ended at 33, maybe there is still hope that I can start a family someday. Your bravery opens up the space of possibility for others. I want to see the transformation because I want to hope that I, too, can be transformed. For whatever it’s worth… we are all hiding our own version of the post-baby belly picture. And we are all afraid that our picture is too vulnerable to share.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. First, thank you for cleaning up the poop. The focus on having everyone blog and on time is definitely making a difference for me, and I think for all of us.

    “I really want to go big if I can make it happen.”

    I get this mentality and get that it fits you…I also feel that I’ve seen it work against you in the past with your jewelry goal, where I feel this desire at times impeded your continued progress and growth even if it was periodic and slower. And then, at the end of the day, you may have missed out on the results gained over time.
    You eventually overcame that and created some amazing pieces, a new logo, etc. – but in my experience it took getting over the ‘go big or go home’ mentality.

    If you were to shift around that here, how could you set yourself some additional baby steps for where you will focus on your perspective and work your way up the chain to the really bigger/scarier items?

    [And yes – to Emileah’s point, I’m totally hiding so many ‘post-baby belly’ pictures that I don’t want to take or share!! – you are not alone!!]

    Like

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