Hadar – Athentic Self Exploration Coming Up

First goal – going ok. As Brandy wrote, I’m jumping around a little bit, but will be making up some lagging items this week – declaring now to draft letters to fundraiser for the marathon this Tuesday. Naomi and I are spending the holiday weekend with cousins in Baltimore, and will then be at a lake in PA for the rest of the week. There is a 2-day holiday Wed-Thurs this week and we have 13 friends coming with us as well. 

I’m committed to being healthy throughout this process, including watching my portions, limiting my overall caloric intake, eating healthily, and getting in exercise. 

If anyone has experienced our holidays or Shabbats, you’ll know that this can be a bit of a challenge. Hard-core exercising is discouraged, we have 4 big meals that go one for hours, and a lot of time is also relegated to being in synagogue. The meals themselves are essentially big holiday (Thanksgiving) meals and because they’re in celebration, we usually go all out with yummy food. So…I get to be focused on my long-term goals. 

Lastly, a friend suggested I increase my runs to 4 runs a week, and based on how today’s run went here in B’more (I couldn’t breathe it was so muggy, needed to take a 3 breaks!), I am going to increase to 4, but over time. 

Ugh. Could. Not. Breathe.

Goal 2 – picking up the theme of Forgiveness from last week. In Basic I remember so clearly my experience from exercises that had me connect with myself as a child. First, I was destroyed. I bawled the entire break and that’s when Ralph and I first connected – he came over and sat next to me, just put an arm over my shoulder and let me continue to cry away. 

My reaction was that I didn’t want to throw me as an adult – all my frustrations, disappointments, failures, and regrets onto me as a child. I had so many guilty associations and negative views that I had to move past.

Some of the issues related to having a consulting business that never took off, delaying starting a family, feeling like I had no career and no clear path or direction in life…in short, I was feeling a little lost, and really didn’t want to impose that future on 3-year old, innocent and full-of-potential me. 

Over the next 4 months, I went to work on myself, finding my diamond, being vulnerable and connected, trusting myself, stepping into my courage and with an openness and love for so many new aspects of life. 

I connected with not only an amazing Wolfpack, but also with my wife in new ways, and with so many friends and past colleagues who were happy to make introductions and help me with my professional goals. 

I reconnected with myself, tuning into what types of work and environments I was most interested in pursuing. 

Come 3rd Weekend, I had a completely different reaction – I was lovingly looking forward to another opportunity to revisit myself as a child. 
There was a lot of forgiveness that went into this process, as mug as there was for the other items mentioned above. 

All this is to say that I have not been paying attention to what lifted me from where I was in Basic to where I ended up on 3rd Weekend. I’ve been casual with many of the ways of being that allowed for my transformation, and as I think of this goal in front of me, I find myself regressing at points: being scared of moving forward, wanting to have it all figured out, not trusting myself to understand it/make the right decisions/finish what I began. 

It’s time to return to the ways of being that serve me and halt the side conversations that seek to deter me. I have big dreams and desires, and I get to make them a reality instead of stand in their way. I get to align myself to achieve my goals. Operation goal alignment is hereby underway! 

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4 thoughts on “Hadar – Athentic Self Exploration Coming Up

  1. This is amazing. I’m always curious what PSPLife-rs went through fr Basic to LP, so thank you for sharing that insight.

    The other aspect of that is that you learned what works for you, which is all we can do in life. We can’t control what happens but we can shift how we respond. Good for you for identifying where you were, what you need to shift and noticing that you have an opportunity to utilize some of you ‘best practices’.

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  2. I feel so moved by this post…..by your raw honesty….with yourself and in being brave enough to write to all of us and share about it. Way to be BRAVE! I am excited for you that you are connecting back to the details of what moved you/changed you…..excited to see where you will take this. :0)

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  3. Hadar thank you for sharing. I really connect with this as sometimes it is a two steps back, one step forward, three steps back, five steps forward kind of dance I have with personal development, relationships and tennis. Operation goal alignment!

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  4. It has been interesting to observe the evolution of your second goal. I definitely experience you as embracing being in a place of inquiry, and I think that shows courage and tenacity because inquiry can be a very uncomfortable place to be. A lot of people would seriously rather continue not living their best life than go through the discomfort of figuring out what it is that truly want. I applaud you for jumping in and for sharing along the way.

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