Been in my nerd for the last two weeks. My contract ended with my assignment but was extended till the end of the year. It’s a strong possibility that this positon will become permanent. I’m almost sure that it will.  It’s bittersweet for me because it’s not want I want to do but I am grateful because I have my foot in the door. I applied for another position in my department that I really want and was told I am being considered and I am feeling really anxious and on edge because I have totally declared this positon to be mines but I have a plan B into place. Totally defeats the purpose of calming it to me mines but I feel uncomfortable without a safety net.

I feel like I am at a crossroad in some parts of life where my job and my goal #1 is concerned.  I know I have to keep moving and create a breakthrough or risk the possibility of being unsuccessful, broken dreams. It’s scary to me because all these feelings of your too old and you’re not enough, you’ll never make it starting creeping in and I retreated into my favorite pastimes of eating. I told myself that I would give myself permission to eat whatever because I’m in breakdown mode and I’ll recover.  Sunday I spent the day sleeping and eating. I missed my call with my buddy because I overslept and I didn’t blog on time because for a minute I wanted to hide and not let anyone know what was going on.

I woke up this morning and lay in the bed reflecting on what I need and what have to be done to get moving.   So I put away the baseball bat and did a meditation to reflect on everything and decided to get everything into perspective.  The first thing I did was to get and energy mediation, got up took a shower. I started on my new meal plan that I was supposed to start a week ago. It’s okay because I get to make a new commitment.

So starting letting go of some stuff, I let go of the last 2 weeks because It’s not serving me. I let go of wasting time because if I am going to have a breakthrough by the time this cycle ends so I need to get started.  I also had let a few commitments go because I have a bad habit of over committing myself and I usually end up cheating myself out of my needs. I am starting to feel lighter already after I finished posting my blog I will reach out to my amazing team and let them know what I am up too, call my buddy and restore integrity to all involved.

Getting back on track wasn’t that hard, after I got out of my own way and recommitted my goals.  I am committing to my new eating plan from now till June 30th. I am committed to getting back in the gym and to try a couple of classes along with my weight training at least 5 days a week. I have cleared my calendar so I can fully commit to MY goals.

Lastly, I will be interviewing for that position in a couple weeks and I am going to kick ass. If I don’t get it, it wasn’t my time.  I still have a Plan B.  🙂




2 thoughts on “Reflections

  1. I think there’s power in recommitting, even though it can feel discouraging at times. I admire your perserverence, I think that will get you where you want to be.


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