It feels like SO MUCH happened this week, it’s crazy. When I last left you with my overly chill blog post, we were headed into a quiet weekend at the lake with just Hadar and his dad (which is basically Hadar squared). It was really nice and fun, with the exception of being triggered by a reaaaaaally aggressive/angry guy who recently married our friend. Oysh.
Sunday morning we raced out of town to make it back in time for the Broadway show Hadar mentioned called Come From Away. It was incredible. I’m actually listening to the soundtrack right now. Monday night we had a wedding of a longtime friend and it was so nice to see her so happy. She has a 10-year old nephew who has been sick with cancer for about a year…she happens to be an oncology nurse and has been an unbelievable support to him. Watching him walk slowly down the aisle in a walker, there was not a dry eye in the room. And experiencing his mother throughout the wedding was really touching. And in a way, it added an element….the bride is about 14 years older than the groom, which was quite the talk of the town when they started dating, but it sort of drove home the message that life is short….do what makes you happy.
Tuesday was a busy busy work day followed by fro yo with a friend, and Wednesday was my procedure. Thank you to all of you for your love and support, it really helped me feel not alone! This is the third procedure I’ve had of this type over the last few years, and though I went in thinking no big deal, I’ve done this before, I found myself getting really freaked out right before it started. My new doctor is so sweet and said ‘I’m going to do this as gently as humanly possible’ and he just made me feel really safe.
I also took care of step one of breaking up with my other clinic, which was basically a nothing (yet I had been avoiding it). Next up is emailing my doctor and letting him know I’m switching to the clinic he badmouthed.
Today was another busy work day, and though I was tempted to stay late and get stuff done, I knew I had lots of errands to run for myself. Hadar is out staffing the Basic this week (so inspiring to hear him taking his 7 coaching calls each day! not listening to the actual content, don’t worry..). With him gone all hours it’s easy to let time pass and do nothing, but I’m doing my best to get stuff done and provide support to him during a super busy time.
Some things I noticed about myself this week:
I get FOMO easily. I found myself getting distracted at the Lake weekend and wondering what other conversations were about. It’s not a great quality, and I could definitely stand to be more present.
I really have very little trouble asking for support, and I don’t know any other way than to share what’s going on with me. I’m definitely not saying I’m a super open or vulnerable person, because I’m not, but I can’t imagine NOT sharing some of the medical and emotional stuff going on with you guys or with work colleagues, because it allows me to feel like I can be ‘off’ if I need to be. It also gave me the freedom to not work most of yesterday and to prompt comments from my colleagues that I was crazy for coming in late yesterday afternoon.
More to come…
As for my goals, it is interesting how differently joy will show up given the circumstance. Joy was everywhere last week, with the sunshine, the vacation, connecting with friends etc. That’s where it’s easy. This week I definitely had lots of pockets of joy throughout a busy week, and I largely made them happen. What’s challenging is shifting or finding joy in an otherwise joyless or stressful situation. N in my small group asked if I could just ‘decide’ something is joyful, and it is. I tried that on during a suuuuuper stressful car ride last week to Baltimore, when it took us 2 hours to get out of Manhattan and we ended up showing up 5 minutes after shabbat started (a big no-no). Definitely no joy in that for me. But also – I don’t think that’s my goal here. Shifting is one thing; I am looking to cultivate joy – not every second, but regularly in my life. Authenticity is part of it.
I declared I would add a meditation routine this week, i.e. meditate at the same time each day – nighttime. I have and it has been helpful with my sleeping…though last night after mentioning to my buddy that I would spend time on Sunday building a good meditation library, I skipped last night! Didn’t even realize until now.
Unrelatedly, I also followed up on two big items on my finance list, and will be transferring over my retirement fund from my old job to a new platform!! So happy I’m taking care of this rather than letting thousands of dollars sit until I forget about them!
Whenever i start blogging I don’t know where it’s going to go, and I enjoy that journey! Thank you for being along for the ride. It’s joyful for me. For this week I’m taking on some good book reading and TV time (i hardly ever do either!), my meditation library and starting to plan an itinerary for our trip!