A work in progress

My creativity and spirituality are still a work in progress. Within progress there are ups and downs and this past week is the first week I did not set aside time to work on my goals intentionally. Throughout this cycle I have really felt the power of starting and ending each day powerfully with intent and getting present and even did this reset midday. I didn’t realize how these new habits were so amazing until I let them slip away. Slowly but surely it ended up with me doing less time meditating, less time journaling, less time reflecting, less time making my goals important and not calling myself out on it.

In my mind I was still subconsciously doing these things just without as much rigor, outrageousness or accountability. And I was ok with that for the last week or two…as I have focused on housing two different sets of house guest.  But wait we do this work and practice new habits so that when we are under stress, our stories or circumstances we rise powerfully! I am recommitting to finishing the cycle and life with vigor and excitement humility.

The power of intent and getting present really hit home yesterday.  I handled a conversation with a Medicare representative in a way that I thought I had got past. Learning the new habits of really stopping and asking myself the questions before I make the insurance call for 10th time: ” Who do I want to be? What role do I want to have? Do I want to just listen to them?  How do I want to feel when I put phone down? I want to feel like I learned more and am moving in right direction. How to set up for success today?

And knowing by taking these steps I can shift the results. Having a spiritual text or quotes next to me, calming music playing, breathing techniques, recognizing moments of frustion and greet them…I am feeling this anxious, awful moment, I am getting tense, I recognize I need to shift the rhythm now or perhaps my day will go this way.  BE ACCOUNTABLE DURING CALL. I WILL STICK WITH THIS AND TURN LEFT. BUILDING RAPPORT. CAN I MAKE THE OTHER PERSON FEEL HEARD. I JUST WANT TO DO THE BEST I CAN FOR MY PARENT.I deserve this in this moment. I have a choice in this situation. Follow through.

Those were all steps I knew would set me up for success but I guess I thought I could take the training wheels off and just make the call.  Summary: Medicare would not talk to me because I am not my Dad. They wanted my Dad to verify information. He has dementia. I told them this. They insisted on me having him on phone to ask him. He remembered his bdayd just not the year so they would not talk with me. We were on a three way call I told my Dad it was ok to hang up. I proceeded to lose my mind on the phone with this rep and ask for a supervisior because clearly this wasn’t the first time the situation came up. Bad result: my Dad did not hang up the phone but heard all this. He was already sad becasuse he could not remember his own birthday year this just made it worse as he heard how mad I was. The exact opposite result of what I wanted to create. 😦

I want to acknowledge myself for limiting my self beat up after this happened. I also want to realize the prices I am paying.

Bottom line: no shortcuts in life and in the work.

 

 

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2 thoughts on “A work in progress

  1. I want to acknowledge you. There is so much growth here, and the way you are showing up is really inspiring, and it comes through. Even your writing is different and I can hear your growth. Amazing stuff.

    Like

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