The universe does answer!!

This past weekend has been bananas, I had a couple of breakdowns, started feeling like I wasn’t enough, wasn’t good enough for my job, they didn’t appreciate me. Had to really step back and re-evaluate my position there and my life. I know I am enough, it’s just sometimes life sucks and you can’t take everything personal and I realize that I am enough.  You move on to the what’s next.

My goal # 1:

I also was a little sad because I thought I wouldn’t be able to start my 30 days of yoga.  After discussing with my doc, we decided that I should do both the physical therapy and the yoga.  I originally was foregoing the P.T.  Thirty days of yoga is very  personal to me. I got the idea from the yoga website, it stated first time students can purchase a thirty-day yoga card for a huge discount. I thought this would be a perfect way for me to complete something that, aligned with my health issues and goals. All I have to do is show up.  I knew it was the perfect stretch for me, because I tend to start projects than quit because I lose interest because I have no patience for the outcomes, And,  I  procrastinate big time, always waiting for the last-minute then start moving my butt. I have these great plans with little to no follow through. I want it right now and I  sometimes dread the fact that I have to do  a, b, and c to get to reach a goal and I’ll just give up. Whats different this time is who I get to be; committed, patient (with myself), powerful, and relentless.  I didn’t understand the Be, Do, Have, before the work,  but I totally get it today.  I still struggle with it, some days more than others. This stretch I will not quit, I will stay till its complete no matter what.

So, the issue that was coming up; how was I going to  do both P.T and my 30 days of  yoga.  I initially thought it couldn’t be done, because of times and travel distances. Then it occurred to me that I could switch my PT, whose in Brooklyn to a location in Manhattan near the Yoga studio, class doesn’t start until 6:15. I get out of work at 4:00, this would definitely be a possibility.  When I came home I looked on the therapist’s website because I remembered seeing a location in Manhattan and lo and behold they have an office 15 minutes from my job and, two train stops from the yoga studio.  How cool is that!! I will call the first thing in the morning to make the switch, we will see what happens. I can always switch my P.T therapist one more time. The universe does answer!!!

My goal #2:

For the most part my eating has been on point, I lost two pounds, I am doing HCG along with low-calorie diet, to jumpstart the Ketogenic. With the HCG supplement, you lose pounds and inches, it’s a very strict diet that requires a lot of discipline.  It has three phases to it; loading, doing and the maintenance. I did have a few hiccups and cheated on almonds and cashews, not so bad. Water drives the diet, I stay in the bathroom.  Phase two of this diet will be finished by the first week in November;  phase three is where  I make the full transition into a ketogenic lifestyle, this will be my new lifestyle along with Intermittent fasting. I will post my stats on pounds and inches next week.

I started my floor exercises, but I need to do at least three times a week. I’ve been procrastinating, I will commit to doing them tomorrow and Saturday.

Finally feeling like this part of my life is moving and taking shape after being stagnated for the last four months. I am moving my goal to fruition. Being healthy and looking healthy is very important to me and I’ve just begun.

 

 

 

Advertisements

I declare!

I just made a year on my job as a HEDIS consultant (Healthcare Effectiveness Data and Information Set). In layman’s terms it’s a tool used by more than 90 percent of America’s health plans to measure performance on important dimensions of care and service. I have been doing this for three years now. My role used to be seasonal meaning, only six months out of the year. Now they are finding that is a need to have consultants year round, this is good for me because I get to keep working. However my position is not considered permanent, at least not yet.

I saw a position for a permanent position as a coordinator working out of a hospital, doing something similar what I am doing, but entails outreach and education providers on the HEDIS process.  I had the pleasure of  working on a mini project with this women who is assigned to this particular hospital.   She and I became distant work buddies, she would come to the office for her weekly team meetings and we would have these really nice conversations. when I was there working with her on the project, I remember thinking to myself that I would love to work here in this hospital, but I knew that only one coordinator could be assigned to a hospital so, I just let it go.

Still, no response from my director regarding an interview. Oh, did I mentioned I didn’t have extensive experience for the position, but in my heart and based on my experience in Health Care; I knew without a doubt this is the job for me. All I need is an interview and I would totally enroll this women in why I should have this position. I also had an idea salary in mind, that I quietly put out in the universe. I didn’t follow-up with my director because I was too distracted dealing with my health issues.

About a couple of weeks ago, I started checking on the career website at the job and I notice that my job had been posted again and this time I noticed there were a few changes. I am like reading and saying to myself no big deal, but then I got to the salary, it was the exact salary that I had in my mind. My light bulb went on and I made a note in my head that I was going to stop by my director’s office and make a bold request for an interview. No sooner than I made the mental note, my distant work buddy comes up to me and said that she resigned and her last day the fourth of October. Another light bulb went on and in my mind I was declaring this position to me mine. No sooner when she walked away I sent an email to my director for a meeting the next day.
Since it was the end of the day, I figured she wouldn’t respond anyway, so I went home. When I got to work the next morning, she gave me my meeting, In my mind It was my interview and  I was ready. I walked in her office and after about several interruptions I finally got to have my interview. I totally enrolled this women, I let her know that although I don’t have a lot experience as that particular kind of coordinator I had exposure and I have over fifteen years experience working in multi facets of healthcare. She moved me on to the next step, which was an interview with the two managers to whom I sit a few feet from. The interview was set for the next day, way to go Deb!!

During the interview I noticed the energy wasn’t the same as with my director, they did make me feel comfortable because I work with them. But, I started thinking that maybe I didn’t enroll them into my vision enough,  was my energy level lacking, did I not show them that I’m the one they should hire. I was totally in myhead, oh no.  Maybe I was being too hard on myself and starting making stuff up. I sent an email to my director thanking her and I told her that I didn’t think the same energy was there and could she can get me some feedback.  After about an hour, I couldn’t focus on my work, so I left early for the day. I went home and on the train I kept telling myself that the job is mine, I would an excellent fit, so why didn’t I believe this. I thought about how I declared this for myself to the universe and now that the universe has opened up,  so why am I  sabotaging myself.  I realized that I had to make a complete shift and thinking  and being in abundance and prosperity. I have to source this in order to attrach and manifesting what I want. Abundance is inner wealth, its brining something of value to the heart and prosperity is bringing something of value to the wallet. I realized that if I open myself to recieving it, it is mine. At that point I was able to create a shift.

That following Monday, my director said she is waiting to get feedback because the positon has to be filled rather quickly because a coordinator is needed at that location. We talked about what the next step would be, and that is interview with the Senior Director.  I looked at my director and said, get me that interview this positon has my name on it. I was back, in full force. So now I wait, and I going about my normal day to day activites, but in my mind, that job is mine.  I totally declared it.

 

ReAligning

Happy the summer is over, welll kind of. I love the summer and I had so many plans that ended up in the toilet. It’s okay because I get to be aligned with a new vision. The pain was so bad I cried almost every day. I took different pain medications but nothing worked. My coworkers suggested that I smoke a little marijuana, which did help. Pain stopped for about two days. However my co worker didn’t know what strain she bought. Found out I needed a strain called ACDC, don’t know if I want to explore this option. So I was back to square one when the pain returned.

I finally got diagnosed as having a pinched nerved cause by my C6 and C7 veterbrae which is causing extreme pain in and around my shoulder. The numbness and pain are consisitant everyday. Some days I mentally work through it but then there are days when I want to die.  After a couple of xrays and a MRI, I got my confrimation, which I always knew. So now what?

I get to be proactive in my healing, I will be doing physical therapy. I am signing up to do Kundalini Yoga for thirty days straight, that will be a stretch for me. I will be doing mediation, to clear my mind and releasing stress, I believe by doing this it will allow the healing energies to work it’s magic.  I also have been studying crystals for healing purposes as well and I will incorporate this in my life as well. There are so many other things I have on mind that will get to my healthy goals, but for now I will focuse on these two.

My eating has been the same, I eat in moderation unless I’m givin myself a free day. I fast for most of day and I stopped pigging out at night. My weight has been flucuating between five pounds. So my relationship with food has been an on going struggle. I tend to eat out of emotions as a way to escape not living out your dreams not seeing your vision to completion, but today I see  progress within myself.

Last thing before I wrap this up, is that I am truly grateful to be in cycle 11 because around this time I am usually eating whatever I want after losing twenty or more pounds and by next year I’m back to where I started from. So, whats differnt is that I’m here surround by people, who like me; have goals and who is committed to working on themselves. By seeing what works and what doesn’t work and being able to create an immediate shift within, and realigning, recreating, and re-setting. When I’m  in my nerd, my buddy will know because we are connecting and supporting one another.

Lastly, I can focus outward, by being there for anyone who needs support and inspiration. This is divine because the timing couldn’t be better. The universe is aligned with me and I am aligned with my new goals.

 

New Beginnings

I have been doing a lot of research regarding nutrition and how much the body needs for fat loss, gaining weight, or to just maintain your weight. What inspired me to do this were all these diets; diets that I’ve done and diets that I haven’t done.  I have been doing this particular diet and found that I was hungry a lot and think it was due to the macro nutrients involved.

Macro nutrients are the combination of protein, fat and carbohydrates the body needs to produce the results you want.  Of course everyone’s macro nutrient is different, so I am thinking maybe through this diet I am not getting enough of nutrients and my body was letting me know.  It’s a theory that I am willing to put to the test. Also, maybe these cookie cutter diets are just bullshit because when you follow them you significantly reduce your caloric intake, you will lose weight and the when you stop doing the diet you will ultimately gain back your weight.

To make a long story short, I did my Macro nutrients and created my personalized meal plan as well as personalized cardio and weight training program. I found this amazing lecture about cardio and weight training from a doctor on You Tube. It was about Interval training, it was extremely informative and something that I had known about for a long time.

I will be starting my new program Monday, which I am very motivated to do because I created it. I guess there is another PSP cycle in the future for me. To date I have lost ten pounds and I don’t know how much body fat I’ve lost yet. I am excited to be on my own journey of health and fitness. This is something that I wanted to do for a long time.  This PSP journey has truly been a journey full of breakdowns followed by huge breakthroughs. Can’t wait to see my total body transformation looks like. I will mediate on my results tonight.

Progress

Progress

The definition of progress is a movement toward a goal or to a further or higher stage, growth or development; continuous improvement.  For the first time in a while, I’m feeling like I’m making progress towards my goals. Yes, I’ve lost some pounds, but it’s more than that. I am gaining a better sense of what it means to work out and be healthy. I am getting comfortable with working out on a regular basis. I am not feeling like I am missing out on food and to using food as tool to socialize and eat when I’m in my emotions.  This is very important to me because I have high blood pressure a pinched nerves and a slip disc, the latter of the two being minor with the potential to becoming a debilitating condition.  Well, the high blood is past tense; I am officially off of my high blood pressure medications. So my goal is about a lifestyle change and I am learning so much about what it is to be healthy.

Another reason why being healthy is important to me is because I don’t want to get sick and be a burden on my children. I want to be independent until my death and I definitely don’t want to be dependent on taking medications for the rest of my life. I think medications are poisonous to the body and do more harm than good in the long run.  I think the pharmaceutical companies are more about making a profit then healing people, they are no better than illegal drug dealers. But, that’s just my perspective, I am sure many people have been helped by prescription drugs. I also think the powerful elites that run the world have subjected us to a bunch of propagandas and agendas; they are creating all these chemicals and man-made viruses that are slowly killing us. They putting these chemicals in our food and in the water systems that are making us sick then they want to treat us with the very the thing they created.  Again, my opinion and thoughts are mines.  My progress in regards to the way of the world, is that I truly believe that the world can be a better place by people choosing who they get to be in the world. To always think positive thoughts, send out positive vibes and show a love.

Progress in my meditation goals is that; in order to have results and evolve with that goal will take time, something that I am willing to invest in. I’ve learned that mediation for me is truly about healing and listening to the inner goddess in me, which will support me in healing the parts of me that need healing and to evolve into higher spiritual vibrations  and are able to more at peace with yourself and in the world. That is, when you put in the time to actually get the clutter out of your head and allow your mind to just be. This is where I am, getting the clutter out of my mind is definitely a process. I believe that we are responsible for uplifting spiritual selves, and as human beings we must seek to evolve in something better.  I look forward to continuing this journey long after this cycle is over. This will be a lifestyle change for me.

 

Reflections

Reflections

 

Been in my nerd for the last two weeks. My contract ended with my assignment but was extended till the end of the year. It’s a strong possibility that this positon will become permanent. I’m almost sure that it will.  It’s bittersweet for me because it’s not want I want to do but I am grateful because I have my foot in the door. I applied for another position in my department that I really want and was told I am being considered and I am feeling really anxious and on edge because I have totally declared this positon to be mines but I have a plan B into place. Totally defeats the purpose of calming it to me mines but I feel uncomfortable without a safety net.

I feel like I am at a crossroad in some parts of life where my job and my goal #1 is concerned.  I know I have to keep moving and create a breakthrough or risk the possibility of being unsuccessful, broken dreams. It’s scary to me because all these feelings of your too old and you’re not enough, you’ll never make it starting creeping in and I retreated into my favorite pastimes of eating. I told myself that I would give myself permission to eat whatever because I’m in breakdown mode and I’ll recover.  Sunday I spent the day sleeping and eating. I missed my call with my buddy because I overslept and I didn’t blog on time because for a minute I wanted to hide and not let anyone know what was going on.

I woke up this morning and lay in the bed reflecting on what I need and what have to be done to get moving.   So I put away the baseball bat and did a meditation to reflect on everything and decided to get everything into perspective.  The first thing I did was to get and energy mediation, got up took a shower. I started on my new meal plan that I was supposed to start a week ago. It’s okay because I get to make a new commitment.

So starting letting go of some stuff, I let go of the last 2 weeks because It’s not serving me. I let go of wasting time because if I am going to have a breakthrough by the time this cycle ends so I need to get started.  I also had let a few commitments go because I have a bad habit of over committing myself and I usually end up cheating myself out of my needs. I am starting to feel lighter already after I finished posting my blog I will reach out to my amazing team and let them know what I am up too, call my buddy and restore integrity to all involved.

Getting back on track wasn’t that hard, after I got out of my own way and recommitted my goals.  I am committing to my new eating plan from now till June 30th. I am committed to getting back in the gym and to try a couple of classes along with my weight training at least 5 days a week. I have cleared my calendar so I can fully commit to MY goals.

Lastly, I will be interviewing for that position in a couple weeks and I am going to kick ass. If I don’t get it, it wasn’t my time.  I still have a Plan B.  🙂

 

 

Mindsets and Breakthroughs

I went to the gym on Friday and happen to get a look at myself in the mirror from behind and did not like what I saw. I felt really fat and out of shape. Then those negative thoughts started to creep in. Like you’re never going to reach your goals, you’re not making any progress and I went on and on. I’ve been nerdy ever since. This has caused me to reevaluate what I am doing, and how I am feeling and why. Am I doing enough to maximize my workouts? I do understand that my goals are big and will require hard work and a high level of commitment. So I had to get really honest about everything I had been doing up until now. What I realize is that I am not doing enough to maximize my workouts to create a significant breakthrough. When I go to the gym I do just enough cardio to say I did it and to bust a sweat. I haven’t been pushing myself harder to create weekly breakthroughs. The truth is that I am scared and procrastinating in the gym. I am scared of really committing to having a breakthrough, I am scared to put my body through the process of having another significant breakthrough to get pass my plateau. Because I know in my heart that once I have this breakthrough I will have to have another and another until I am actually being successful.

For example if I am running at three miles per hour for fifteenth minutes without stopping then I should be pushing myself to run twenty minutes at three miles per hour next week. I should have weekly breakthroughs and I am not. Some days I don’t drink all my water because I hate going to the bathroom every ten minutes. However it is my belief that the more water you drink consistently the less you will use the bathroom because your body will adjust to drinking that amount of water.

So, how can I turn this around and create a shift for myself. I have been really quiet this weekend and began to reevaluate everything I am doing and most importantly my mind set. For me developing the right mindset is crucial for any success. The dictionary’s meaning of mindset “is the established set of attitudes held by someone.” So, then to develop the right mindset is then the way of learning something new and taking the relevant information and grow it and cultivate it until it becomes your set of beliefs that are most beneficial to where you want to go or how you want to be. This belief system is your mindset.

So, the first thing to forgive myself for the entire negative self-talks and to really acknowledge myself for the progress that I’ve made since January. So to really strengthen my mindset I will be reevaluating my goals and my beliefs around my goals. I must examine my limiting beliefs and create new ones that will support me in aligning myself with my goals to strengthen my level of commitment. Also, my PSP Life Cycle team gave me some valuable information regarding goals and it’s time to use them. I will definitely connect more with my vision and goals by setting mini daily goals so it’s not overwhelming. Lastly, protect my new mindset that I will be creating for myself from negative energy.