New Beginnings

I have been doing a lot of research regarding nutrition and how much the body needs for fat loss, gaining weight, or to just maintain your weight. What inspired me to do this were all these diets; diets that I’ve done and diets that I haven’t done.  I have been doing this particular diet and found that I was hungry a lot and think it was due to the macro nutrients involved.

Macro nutrients are the combination of protein, fat and carbohydrates the body needs to produce the results you want.  Of course everyone’s macro nutrient is different, so I am thinking maybe through this diet I am not getting enough of nutrients and my body was letting me know.  It’s a theory that I am willing to put to the test. Also, maybe these cookie cutter diets are just bullshit because when you follow them you significantly reduce your caloric intake, you will lose weight and the when you stop doing the diet you will ultimately gain back your weight.

To make a long story short, I did my Macro nutrients and created my personalized meal plan as well as personalized cardio and weight training program. I found this amazing lecture about cardio and weight training from a doctor on You Tube. It was about Interval training, it was extremely informative and something that I had known about for a long time.

I will be starting my new program Monday, which I am very motivated to do because I created it. I guess there is another PSP cycle in the future for me. To date I have lost ten pounds and I don’t know how much body fat I’ve lost yet. I am excited to be on my own journey of health and fitness. This is something that I wanted to do for a long time.  This PSP journey has truly been a journey full of breakdowns followed by huge breakthroughs. Can’t wait to see my total body transformation looks like. I will mediate on my results tonight.

Progress

Progress

The definition of progress is a movement toward a goal or to a further or higher stage, growth or development; continuous improvement.  For the first time in a while, I’m feeling like I’m making progress towards my goals. Yes, I’ve lost some pounds, but it’s more than that. I am gaining a better sense of what it means to work out and be healthy. I am getting comfortable with working out on a regular basis. I am not feeling like I am missing out on food and to using food as tool to socialize and eat when I’m in my emotions.  This is very important to me because I have high blood pressure a pinched nerves and a slip disc, the latter of the two being minor with the potential to becoming a debilitating condition.  Well, the high blood is past tense; I am officially off of my high blood pressure medications. So my goal is about a lifestyle change and I am learning so much about what it is to be healthy.

Another reason why being healthy is important to me is because I don’t want to get sick and be a burden on my children. I want to be independent until my death and I definitely don’t want to be dependent on taking medications for the rest of my life. I think medications are poisonous to the body and do more harm than good in the long run.  I think the pharmaceutical companies are more about making a profit then healing people, they are no better than illegal drug dealers. But, that’s just my perspective, I am sure many people have been helped by prescription drugs. I also think the powerful elites that run the world have subjected us to a bunch of propagandas and agendas; they are creating all these chemicals and man-made viruses that are slowly killing us. They putting these chemicals in our food and in the water systems that are making us sick then they want to treat us with the very the thing they created.  Again, my opinion and thoughts are mines.  My progress in regards to the way of the world, is that I truly believe that the world can be a better place by people choosing who they get to be in the world. To always think positive thoughts, send out positive vibes and show a love.

Progress in my meditation goals is that; in order to have results and evolve with that goal will take time, something that I am willing to invest in. I’ve learned that mediation for me is truly about healing and listening to the inner goddess in me, which will support me in healing the parts of me that need healing and to evolve into higher spiritual vibrations  and are able to more at peace with yourself and in the world. That is, when you put in the time to actually get the clutter out of your head and allow your mind to just be. This is where I am, getting the clutter out of my mind is definitely a process. I believe that we are responsible for uplifting spiritual selves, and as human beings we must seek to evolve in something better.  I look forward to continuing this journey long after this cycle is over. This will be a lifestyle change for me.

 

Reflections

Reflections

 

Been in my nerd for the last two weeks. My contract ended with my assignment but was extended till the end of the year. It’s a strong possibility that this positon will become permanent. I’m almost sure that it will.  It’s bittersweet for me because it’s not want I want to do but I am grateful because I have my foot in the door. I applied for another position in my department that I really want and was told I am being considered and I am feeling really anxious and on edge because I have totally declared this positon to be mines but I have a plan B into place. Totally defeats the purpose of calming it to me mines but I feel uncomfortable without a safety net.

I feel like I am at a crossroad in some parts of life where my job and my goal #1 is concerned.  I know I have to keep moving and create a breakthrough or risk the possibility of being unsuccessful, broken dreams. It’s scary to me because all these feelings of your too old and you’re not enough, you’ll never make it starting creeping in and I retreated into my favorite pastimes of eating. I told myself that I would give myself permission to eat whatever because I’m in breakdown mode and I’ll recover.  Sunday I spent the day sleeping and eating. I missed my call with my buddy because I overslept and I didn’t blog on time because for a minute I wanted to hide and not let anyone know what was going on.

I woke up this morning and lay in the bed reflecting on what I need and what have to be done to get moving.   So I put away the baseball bat and did a meditation to reflect on everything and decided to get everything into perspective.  The first thing I did was to get and energy mediation, got up took a shower. I started on my new meal plan that I was supposed to start a week ago. It’s okay because I get to make a new commitment.

So starting letting go of some stuff, I let go of the last 2 weeks because It’s not serving me. I let go of wasting time because if I am going to have a breakthrough by the time this cycle ends so I need to get started.  I also had let a few commitments go because I have a bad habit of over committing myself and I usually end up cheating myself out of my needs. I am starting to feel lighter already after I finished posting my blog I will reach out to my amazing team and let them know what I am up too, call my buddy and restore integrity to all involved.

Getting back on track wasn’t that hard, after I got out of my own way and recommitted my goals.  I am committing to my new eating plan from now till June 30th. I am committed to getting back in the gym and to try a couple of classes along with my weight training at least 5 days a week. I have cleared my calendar so I can fully commit to MY goals.

Lastly, I will be interviewing for that position in a couple weeks and I am going to kick ass. If I don’t get it, it wasn’t my time.  I still have a Plan B.  🙂

 

 

Mindsets and Breakthroughs

I went to the gym on Friday and happen to get a look at myself in the mirror from behind and did not like what I saw. I felt really fat and out of shape. Then those negative thoughts started to creep in. Like you’re never going to reach your goals, you’re not making any progress and I went on and on. I’ve been nerdy ever since. This has caused me to reevaluate what I am doing, and how I am feeling and why. Am I doing enough to maximize my workouts? I do understand that my goals are big and will require hard work and a high level of commitment. So I had to get really honest about everything I had been doing up until now. What I realize is that I am not doing enough to maximize my workouts to create a significant breakthrough. When I go to the gym I do just enough cardio to say I did it and to bust a sweat. I haven’t been pushing myself harder to create weekly breakthroughs. The truth is that I am scared and procrastinating in the gym. I am scared of really committing to having a breakthrough, I am scared to put my body through the process of having another significant breakthrough to get pass my plateau. Because I know in my heart that once I have this breakthrough I will have to have another and another until I am actually being successful.

For example if I am running at three miles per hour for fifteenth minutes without stopping then I should be pushing myself to run twenty minutes at three miles per hour next week. I should have weekly breakthroughs and I am not. Some days I don’t drink all my water because I hate going to the bathroom every ten minutes. However it is my belief that the more water you drink consistently the less you will use the bathroom because your body will adjust to drinking that amount of water.

So, how can I turn this around and create a shift for myself. I have been really quiet this weekend and began to reevaluate everything I am doing and most importantly my mind set. For me developing the right mindset is crucial for any success. The dictionary’s meaning of mindset “is the established set of attitudes held by someone.” So, then to develop the right mindset is then the way of learning something new and taking the relevant information and grow it and cultivate it until it becomes your set of beliefs that are most beneficial to where you want to go or how you want to be. This belief system is your mindset.

So, the first thing to forgive myself for the entire negative self-talks and to really acknowledge myself for the progress that I’ve made since January. So to really strengthen my mindset I will be reevaluating my goals and my beliefs around my goals. I must examine my limiting beliefs and create new ones that will support me in aligning myself with my goals to strengthen my level of commitment. Also, my PSP Life Cycle team gave me some valuable information regarding goals and it’s time to use them. I will definitely connect more with my vision and goals by setting mini daily goals so it’s not overwhelming. Lastly, protect my new mindset that I will be creating for myself from negative energy.

FORGIVENESS

Last week my cousin died of stage four lung and brain cancer, he was in his late fifties. Seems surreal because I just saw him four months ago at his mother’s whose is my aunt’s funeral. We just found out he had Cancer about a little over a month ago. He initially told our family he was going in the hospital for chemo therapy, but shortly after he was admitted his health took a turn for the worse.  On Saturday, while on third weekend my brother called to say our family was notified to come to the hospital to say good-bye.  Somehow I was hoping that he would hang on long enough for me to go see him but that did not happened, he passed away on Monday as I was preparing to go. I immediately called my mom and we cried together. It was a really sad moment for me because I started feeling really guilty, selfish and angry at myself for not getting to the hospital sooner. Even though my brother went, it wasn’t the same. He was my cousin and we all grew up together and I loved him dearly.  

I spent the rest of the day mourning my cousin and just beating myself up.  I didn’t go to the gym and started to get really nerdy about everything. When I get nerdy I become cranky and will literally get the case of the “fuck it’s.”   Fuck it I am not working out today. Fuck it I’ll eat whatever I want because I’ll never reach my goal anyway. The list goes on and on and on. 

 I decided at that moment I would forgive myself, meaning that I will choose to make a conscious and deliberate decision to let go any resentment towards myself for not making it to the hospital to say good bye. This is not to negate the fact that I choose not to go at that moment and it’s also not an excuse the fact that I didn’t go. It doesn’t mean I didn’t love my cousin Paul or that I am cold and uncaring.  When you think about it forgiveness is very powerful, because I am choosing to let go of all negative thoughts and resentments towards myself and not being in judgement of myself. I decided to apply forgiveness in my life every day to everyone. 

How do you forgive someone who has hurt you over and over again without acknowledging their transgressions against you. I think to do this you have be resilient at the fact that this person may never acknowledge this fact and you may never get closure Just be at peace with knowing this. Be at peace for what is, and be at peace with the vulnerability ingrained in human life. Then move the fuck on AND LIVE YOUR LIFE without prejudice.

~Peace~

DMCARRIER 

Goals

To be honest by goals this week has been in scarcity. I worked out twice this week. At first I felt like I let myself down by not sticking to my goal set.  However, considering what I was up to this week I gave my permission to be at peace with myself. My water intake was great except for this weekend. I was putting other people needs before mines, I gave my permission to be okay with that too,  it’s not everyday that I get to be in service for others. My food intake was aligned with my goals, I meal prepped and brought my meals with me wherever I went.  I want to share more but I have reached my deadline.

Next week I am committed to my goals and I am excited about starting my week being fully present to this cycle.

 

Love,

Deborah