This week we had our first Group Meeting and we were all fortunate to meet in person. It was so nice to connect as everyone was open and vulnerable, which made it extra special! I spoke about the “Skinny Branch” in relation to meeting women and dating. The members inquired further in what was the true intention of this goal and it made me reflect on my dating pattern of being reactive. I have gone out on dates and have had some relationships; however, most of them were initiated by women who either wrote me and/or were vulnerable to express their feelings to me. There is nothing wrong with this point; however, the other issue is that there were cases in which I was not completely attracted to the women (mentally, physically) but extended the relationship to give it a try and/or for convenience. I realized that I have not been proactive in initiating connnection with women who I am interested in. This is particularly the case over the past year and related to both in person and on apps.
I also believe that I have not been very social – not branching out as much as I can. This cycle, my desired way of being has a big focus on connection. As I have highlighted before I have this desire to initate connection with people (mostly women) I see in my travels. Additionally, I am initiating connection with the intention of taking this beyond the initial interaction. I am also striving to be vulnerable. I am not against meeting women via other ways such as through the various apps I have downloaded. However, I feel that meeting women through the way I describe above will push me out of my comfort zone. Actually, prior to approaching women I catch myself reciting and connecting to my contract (I am a courageous, powerful, inspiring, loving man).. This exercise is also reminding me to seize the opportunity of now and to stop overanalyzing – something that I feel I have been doing too much of recently.
The week started out a little slow as I was in Connecticut for a good part of the week and did not create the chance to go out. However, while I have been in NYC since Wednesday night I have been pushing to make connection even when there are times that I don’t want to. I sometimes get in my head and think about the negative. I am determined to get past the initial fear and go for it.
Yesterday afternoon I was working near Grand Central. While passing through the main area to get lunch, I saw a cute girl taking pics within Grand Central Terminal, near the clock, with a fancy camera. I had to say hi… Actually I thought she was a professional photographer taking postcard or stock pics. I went over and said, “hey, you look like a professional, what are these pics for”? We started talking and learned that Karina is from Russia and is here for a few weeks with friends. We spoke for a little while longer and I expressed interest in meeting her again. We exchanged phone numbers to communicate via Whatsapp. Unfortunately, it looks like I inputted the number wrong. I truly believe that she was sincere in meeting and/or at least communicating more. I regret not confirming the number.
Last night while shopping at CVS in the West Village I saw this girl really studying the various ice cream brands. I was curious and went over to say hi – “it looks like you are very curious about the ice cream”? It turns out Elisa is from Brazil and is studying here for several months. She was looking for another brand of chocolate ice cream as she is a connoceur of this flavor. I helped her find another brand. We spoke for a little while and we exchanged phone numbers to connect via WhatsApp.
Today I decided to take a class at Crossfit Queens. I am currently staying in the West Village so I had a long subway ride. I saw this girl waiting for the train. I thought she was cute and wanted to talk to her. Honestly, I was a little shy. Additionally, she had her headphones on and was really studying her phone. We got on the same train and she rarely looked up and had her headphones on. Despite this, I really wanted to at least try to connect. I ended up reaching out and asking if she knew someone (I made up a name) to start a conversation. She was on her way to the airport to catch a flight to Miami. We spoke for a bit but got the impression that she was not interested in talking. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. No regrets. I just wish I had said hi sooner and not think about it so much.
On the way back I saw another girl waiting for the train and wanted to talk to her. For some reason I chickened out. I then ran some errands in midtown east — got a haircut, etc. After doing this, I got on the train to head toward Grand Central as I need a new pair of eye glasses. I notice that there is a Warbey Parker in Grand Central. While waiting for the train at 59th and Lex I saw a girl I wanted to talk to. I was a little shy but finally said “excuse me I like your sports fasion style.” She was wearing cool gear. She was focused in her own world and didnt hear me at first as it was a little noisy. She was a bit surprised and maybe taken aback by me reaching out on the subway platform. We talked briefly and she went back to looking at her phone. Again, I only live once, so no regrets here.
Back to Grand Central… On the way to Warby Parker I saw a cute girl walking with a small suitcase. I worked up the courage to approach her. I said, “I am running errands but I think you look really nice and wanted to say hi.” I forgot her name but she is from South Africa living in Boston but here for the weekend. She is waiting for her friend taking the shuttle from Laguardia Airport. We talked for 3-4 minutes. There was a Grand Central terminal employee who was emptying the nearby garbage bin listening to our conversaton — I have to say that it made me a little self concious. I mean I’m sure thats one of his responsibilities – to be vigilant. Anyway, the girl signaled that she had to go. I asked if she would be up for coffee in the near future. She was direct and said no. I believe I would have been more engaging if I knew the guy wasnt listening (probably creating a story). Again, nothing ventured, nothing gained. I was happy to make her smile.
Okay, one more. I am now at one of my hiding places in midtown West writing this blog post and answering some emails. On the way here I saw another girl who I wanted to say hi to. I liked her fashion style. I had the sense that she was in a rush but was not completly sure.. As she walked by me I said “hey excuse me, sorry to catch you if in a rush but do you know (I made up a name) ? You look familiar!” She stopped and said “no I dont.” She was really friendly. I then said- “hey, I have to say that I like your fashion style.” She smiled and answered “thank you. the one day I am dressed up.” She was really nice and engaging but said “I am meeting a friend and have to go…sorry” I told her to have a nice day.. I suppose that I could have been a little more persistent and asked for her number. No regrets again.
This exercise is an energy booster for me. I am becoming comfortable with connecting. I believe that this is a muscle that gets to be stengthened.
During this cycle I committed to attend some new social events as well. I have yet to do this but will keep you updated. I figure if I can connect with strangers I will be more confident at strcutrued social /networking events. I am comfortable at professional events but need to get back in shape at social events.
I have also considered circling back to 1 or 2 women who I met but created stories that it would not be good to be vulnerable. I do not know their current relationship situation but thinking to reach out. I need to get past the analysis paralysis and the stories.
I will continue to be in action.