Vision & Action ♨️ Making Progress

Just had a great small group meeting – thanks E&M! Love the small group structure, the ability to support and talk to multiple people in addition to my buddy. 

In terms of my goals, I’m in action on both [1) job alignment & search; (2) being with Naomi], although I get to add urgency to my first goal. 

To date I have done half of the exercise T suggested & plan to complete by Tuesday night at the latest. I recommend that or similar exercises for people looking for clarity around their future, inc 5-yr and 1-yr visioning, current analysis, action steps, and the like. I have also contacted a few folks for informational conversations, but not yet locked in a time, so I will follow up on those tonight. 

The next step is to contact 2-3 additional people this week as well as to do some basic online job posting searching as I look to get a sense of what positions are currently being advertised and may preferences/fit for those roles (note, I’m not yet looking to apply as any move is still over six months out, but looking for a sense of the options).
Additionally, I spend some time today with EP examining some of my internal conversations around work, my fit, my mental game, etc., and she had some good suggestions and feedback for me. 

One interesting idea that got kicked up is around affirmations – given that core beliefs, limiting view points and the like play such a big role and aren’t corrected through new actions, affirmations can play a role in shifting those beliefs. EP asked about my openness and receptivity to using them and I found that I’m ambivalent toward them:

– I do believe that repeating a positive message can shift an internal conversation 

– I find it SO STRANGE that saying an affirmation has any impact at all => I get a little judgy about them

So…I get to let go of that judgment and put into practice items that can support me in creating the job & life that I want. 

In terms of my second goal, I’m way ahead of where I aimed for in terms of uninterrupted time with Naomi. While the holidays may have disrupted work and my time freedom for pursuing my 1st goal, they gave us a lot of good personal time including 1-on-1 convos, canoodling, and more. 

We also started planning some date night, and spent some time creating a warmer ambience in the apartment for Hygge-ization. 

Overall I’m satisfied with where I am on my goals, although I have not yet hit the in-it-to-win-it stage, so time to kick things up. 

Looking forward to my next buddy call, and wishing everyone a fantastic week!

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Once more, into the breach dear friends, once more

Another cycle! Life directed!

I haven’t skipped a cycle yet, although my results and my goals have varied, and each time I consider taking a break my resistance to the easy way out kicks in: Life goes on anyway.

Do the cycle; don’t do the cycle. Set goals; don’t set goals. The sun will rise and set, the hours and weeks will pass, and either I will be purposeful in chasing the life that I desire or it will pass me by. And so, once more, I choose this stretch – I choose to focus on the ways of being and the actions that will support the life that I wish for me, and that I will strive to create.

Where then, is my head? Focused on these 2 goals – firstly, to align myself for determining my next role & be in action, and secondly, to focus on making Naomi feel happy, positive, and loved.

I have enjoyed my current role and the opportunity to expand the community of philanthropy into a new industry. I have created and continue to develop new communities wherein new donors participate in caring for thousands and thousands of those in need. I am thankful to the organization for this opportunity and in turn have raised the monies year over year for each of the last 3.5 years – from $100,000 when I began to just under $800,000 last year – that’s incredible growth, and I’m fortunate to have played a role.

That said, we plan to head out of NYC with our next big life step, and as such, I get to determine what my next role will look like. I am fortunate to start this planning with over six months to consider, and am taking the time with this cycle to align my being, my thinking, my hopes, my attitude & aptitude = my ME! before I begin the actual job search.

The first step in this process includes visioning, exploratory/informational conversations, and digging at some root causes around my work history. So far I have reached out to a few people to set up the conversations.

Next step: set aside time for visioning, and contact those who volunteered to assist with my root causes fishing/jackhammering/chasing. I don’t know how that’s going to feel, so I’m open to any number of metaphors here.

As for my second goal, some of you newer to PSPLife may not be aware, but Naomi and I have been having some difficulty starting our family. A few early stage miscarriages both natural and through IVF, and other more recent disappointing news has us both reeling over the last few years.

Speaking of my own experience, it’s a perplexing feeling, giving that I’m not physically involved in the process of carrying an embryo from creation to birth. Not only am I not subject to those random and famous gustatory whims that send women chasing pickles and yogurt, but I am also free from the cramping, the nausea, the bloating, and the mind games that occur when symptoms both desired and feared disappear.

In the past I would disassociate from negative feelings of disappointing, shame, anger, etc., in order to allow myself to continue without internalizing whatever issues were occurring. Now, I find myself open to – nay, searching for – ways to associate with Naomi’s experience, and am usually left scratching at my own disappointments of the life I – and we – dream of, even as I can’t truly relate to the full range of Naomi’s experience.

Add to that the regimen that goes into an IVF cycle, with the myriad pills, injections, and other details that I hope you are all spared, and the final, heart-wrenching news is only more bitter given the painful preparation that was laid in great expectations…and by that I do mean literally physical pain.

My second goal, therefore, is to be with Naomi such that she feels and can internalize my love in the way that works for her. I know that she would like to create even cozier home surroundings this winter, and I will support her in that endeavor. I will also develop and review with her ways we can spend time together. To bolster her thankfully healthy sense of self, I will compliment her regularly and daily, and, finally, create time for us without distractions. 

 

So far I’m thankful for the recent holidays, which have not only given us time alone in the car (ok, at least 2 of those drives we were accompanied by the Philadelphia Eagles…4-1 baby!), and time for us to chat, but also some time to walk and talk, by the lake, to/from friends homes, and more.

Next up is the initial plan for Hyggelitizing our apartment, and a list of places/things we can do together.

Love ya all,

H-bomb

PS – marathon is in 1 month!!!! Crazy stuff!!!!

Quick running post

Tonight at work we met with the trainers who will guide the marathon. I left really inspired with the desire to get my pre-training training back on track.

By the time I got home I nearly lost all my motivation, so before I had zero I quickly changed popped in my contacts and headed out for a run. 

Along the way home I was emptying all the videos and pictures from various WhatsApp groups as my storage are starting to run low on my phone. No offense to my dad, who is a fantastic person and father, but he’s overweight and he has no butt, so all his pants end up falling below his waist with his belly hanging over.

Those pictures of what could very well be my future give me additional motivation tonight to really push it as a challenge myself and the Harlem Hills. 

Despite the elevation, I got in my best time for 2 miles in while – a long while – and it felt good to feel that burn again.

I’m excited for the training that lies ahead and to be pushed by the athletes I’m training with who are in better shape than I am. 

Some closing thoughts

Glad to have my running back on track. I get to meet the trainer this week, and will have a full schedule as of Tuesday. Following that I’ll start my fundraising. 

Re: side gig, $, etc. – that’s all really tied to my June 2018 vision, which gets to be its own goal. 

Thankful to the planning committee for keeping us on track; to my buddy for prioritizing our calls each week; to everyone who blogged or recorded themselves and shared their journey. 

Looking forward to the next cycle and maintaining a high level of integrity for this group. Would love to see us get involved with a community project and think we should poll people in advance to get ideas of the type of projects to which the group may align. 

Greatest possibility

It’s so interesting to be in a space where I am standing for others’ greatest possibilities. Hearing what they’re saying and listening for what they are not saying, what I can deduce from their tones, their hesitations, stories, and more. I stand for them to have breakthroughs, for them to shift and see new possibilities, new relationships, new opportunities and more.

I recall frequent comments throughout my childhood probably into high school and beyond about my potential and whether -or more likely not- I was living up to that potential. In my current state I feel that question remains, although I prefer to hear it in our way of phrasing it: what is my greatest possibility? Now is the time for me to determine my greatest possibility and to pursue it with my entire being.

There are a few things that scare me about that: what if I’m wrong? What if I start to dedicate myself to something and I pursue it with gusto, vim, verve, all my energies…only to discover that I misplaced myself. The funny thing is that I rationally say “so what? I’ll no doubt have discovered something amazing on that journey and learned some wonderful things that will enrich my life.” Moreover, I was one of those people that laughed the other week at Donald Trump’s comment about not exercising to conserve his limited energy…that’s not how I view myself and my world – I have lots of energy to put into the initiatives I desire and there’s nothing to be scared of from pursuing what appears to be a legitimate and rewarding course of action. 

There’s a related fear of trusting myself to make the right decision – not a question of right/wrong, but of needing to rely on myself to make the call. 3+ years ago this was a big test for me and I fell into the trust, surrounded by a supporting team in LP. This time around I get to do that again, relying on the past results of what I’ve created my relationship with my own word and with Naomi’s support. 

There’s the fear of failure – which I discussed a few cycles ago when Brandy and I were buddies – and in which I notes that this fear is so insidious that it’s self-fulfilling: until I actually start something, I have automatically failed to launch a venture.

Which is why I texted a friend who has some great contacts in the tech space to set up a time to talk and get ideas of opportunities that I think would be a fit for me. Not to have her decide for me, as much as let me know what what openings or great companies she knows and would recommend. 

My greatest possibility? Not fully sure yet, but I’m working on it. 

Re: first goal – getting back on the horse. Eliane asked me a couple weeks ago when a holiday was coming up about what plan I had to manage my eating habits and exercise and any support I preferred. I foolishly replied that I was going to enjoy it and ride it out.

That set me back a while, plus a busy month at work, plus staffing = little exercise for 2+ weeks. Got back out there today and looking forward to meeting with my marathon trainer. 

Have a great week all!

Standing for others

The last few days (and for the next week or so) I had the amazing opportunity once again to walk into the training room and stand for others to examine themselves, look deeply, generate awareness of themselves, their viewpoints/windshield of life & to lower the water on their mind’s iceberg (choose any jargon you prefer or are familiar with).

I’ve found that there is an enormous influence on the staffing team based on the trainer, the trainer’s ‘come from’ as well as level of experience. This was not a hiccup-free 5 days, and yet there was practically no drama. Breakdowns were handled quickly & efficiently, and without an impact on the students, allowing them to have a seamless classroom experience. Multiple times I found myself grateful for that attitude and presence as it made me far more likely to wish to staff again in the future.

June is an incredibly busy month at work – we’re in our last month of our fiscal year end, and we’re still generating tons of new dollars to our 2017 annual campaign. I looked at my work calendar this afternoon, and the only 2 weeknights that I would have had free without a work event for the 2.5 weeks are also filled – one with Thursday evening’s guest event, and one for a friend’s 30th birthday party (yay, non-work events!).

One of the side impacts – aside from how tiring this relentless pace of work feels – is that I can’t staff the Advanced with them. This was my 3rd Basic and I’ve staffed a teen training, and so I feel fairly comfortable in the room – I know what processes and experiences the training offers, I’ve seen a variety of reactions, and from the staff’s perspective it’s a fairly mechanical process.

Advanced, on the other hand, still gives me goosebumps. I’ve only staffed it once, and that’s nearly 2 years ago. I get nervous AND excited thinking about it, and I feel like it challenges my self-trust…what should I say, how should I react, etc. Interestingly enough, my reasoning goes both ways:

  1. The very concept that there’s ONE THING that I’m supposed to say is a little preposterous. People’s reactions and experiences relate to a variety of exercises and to their willingness to examine themselves and open up to feedback and new possibilities. And yet..
  2. I remember feedback I received in Advanced 3+ years ago, so there’s a good reason to believe that how I interact with people will be remembered by them for a long time. Ergo, I ‘better get it right!’

Anyway, my LP buddy (and Kyla’s Advanced buddy) asked me tonight what I got out of training for me – what breakthroughs for myself. In the training there was a big push toward developing & clarifying a new vision for June 2018 – what major goals do I wish to set for a year from now. With that, I can attach my word, my commitment, beliefs & intention, and craft the specific actions I need to take to make it a reality.

I’m excited to say that I’m on the quest for my June 2018 vision, and while I cannot announce it tonight, I will be giving myself 1 month to early July to define & refine that vision so that it calls me forward in this big way.

That’s my big goal 2 update.

Goal 1 – not much happened this week given the training, however I did walk 3+ miles at a brisk pace 2x over Shabbat to get there & back…unsurprisingly, my legs hurt in a different way afterward. I’m going to give myself a couple days to recover, and plan for a late Wed night run (once it cools off) to get back on track.

Love you all, and looking forward to catching up on life.

H-bomb