Running in place

There seems to be a way that my choosing to pursue my own goals has made the immediacy of everyone else’s goals and all my other obligations loom larger. I am in a space where every. single. thing. feels like a request of me, most of which I don’t want to fulfill. This is to say, things have been super extra busy at work, so much do that I’m tempted to quit.

For this, and other reasons (aka excuses) I have been making glacial progress on my projects.

I have two simple goals: financial abundance and writing a book. On the first, I’ve engaged an apartment broker, but been unable to pin him down to a specific time to meet with me (probably because this is in the “doing a friend a favor” category in his mind, which I should try to move it out of). On the second, I have begun to do research by downloading relevant academic papers but haven’t finished reading the first one as I had hoped to by now.

Mostly I’ve just been feeling stressed and put upon by my job and it’s impacting everything else.

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Diving deep

First day back at work after vacation a bit rough. After midnight, still at the office and running late with my blog post. Eugh!

My stats after 2 weeks:
Fitness goal: 188.4 lb, down 6.6 lb. Solid fitness effort, average of 16k steps daily, hiking, scrambling and spelunking. The challenge will be to keep up work outs routine now that I'm back sitting at the office every day.
Today was Day 1 of 10 of my reboot: I'll be juicing, with 80/20 veggie/fruit. No other foods. I watched a documentary 'Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead' on Hulu and got very inspired. The movie follows a journey of this overweight guy with myriad of health problems who decides to juice for 60 days and sees his med problems disappear and weight melt. He enrolled other people to try it, with similar astounding results. I've done juice fasts in the past but never longer than 3-5 days and the idea of doing 10 days seems very stretchy, but according to the movie, to get full detox benefits, a body needs a minimum of 10 straight days of juicing, so here I come! Day 1 went well, easy, no hunger, no temptations, just sitting at the office working and drinking delicious green juice.

Social goal: all week on vacation, very social overall.

ready to be done

I am finally finished working at my [previous] company and today was the first day i was at home. I woke up late which was awesome and made a nice breakfast…. but I’m stilllllll working on this project. It’s a lot, and i am so ready to be done with it. I’m still waiting on a date to come in and present this (lots of back and forth with them), which is dangerous because i feel like the longer i have the more stuff i want to do. I go from changing the entire layout to changing all the sketches and colors.

I went to two different art supply stores today to get the perfect red marker…..

this is crazy

But {sigh} i finally decided i had to put it down today and thats when i decided to write this here.

So i am definitely working on goal #1, but goal #2 is taking serious backseat. I have been good about saving money on laundry and groceries but feel like there may be some other  corners i’m not looking at….. maybe the fact that i spent $36  on pens and markers today wasn’t the brightest…. but i did find the perfect red marker!!!!

 

 

Short, Sweet and To The Point

My goals don’t currently include a fitness or weight loss goal, but I am working out as soon as I drop my daughter off to school on most school days and I am seeing my body change.  I am feeling myself getting stronger mentally and from a confidence perspective too…..as the outside changes the inside is too, and its cool to experience.  I use to run half marathons and ran the Chicago Marathon (26.2 baby!) and was always in extremely good shape until about my mid 30s and I am really driven to get back there ….and I am approaching it fiercely.

Goal number one is a meditation goal combined with acts of daily kindness…..I experience myself as happier when focusing on the acts of daily kindness….lighter, smiling more, more peaceful, more joyful.  My favorite last week was acknowledging this trainer at the Lifetime Gym I workout at….I see him caring about the people he is working with, really going the extra mile and exuding such positve, joyful and powerful energy.  I think it meant something to him that someone recognized these strengths and took the time to tell him they noticed.  The meditation part of this goal has not been as big of a focus and I get to change that this week.

Goal number two is being brave.  I love this goal too because I am not only pushing myself to be brave in moments, but I am also getting to see where I am already being brave and it makes me feel good to see and be able to acknowledge this in/for myself.  I also love the feeling of knowing that I am a brave person….it feels freeing and I feel proud.

Off to put a two, almost three year old to bed!  Hope you all are having a very powerful week and making things work so you can reach the goals in front of  you.

XO,

Creatrice

Break down and starting again

This week has had a lot of ups and downs.  Due to schedules and not taking the value of my time, I have been running around and not meeting the goals I set out for myself.

Some of my goals last week were not met.  Health and personal.  Whereas the week prior I was able to reach all my goals, this past week I only completed parts of it and had to take a look at how putting aside my responsible to myself had affected my team members.

However, with breakdown comes new possibilities and to shift, I have to rededicate myself to my goals.  Since it helps with supporting my team with theirs.

Hard

Not going to lie friends, things are hard right now. I’ve been wishing I could come back to this post when I feel better, when I can offer something more inspirational, more “positive,” but alas, commitment.

So here is my truth. I’ve wavered on my health and creativity commitment because of the usual, money issues. I’m tired of struggling with money. I’ve been struggling with money for most of my life. Even when I made money my goal on PSP, I still did not work through enough apparently. I am still struggling.

To tell you the full truth, I did write a song and a powerful ass poem this week. I’ve sang to myself daily. I feel lines of poems forming in my mind more naturally now. Almost constantly I experience the world around me in poetry or song. That is pretty beautiful isn’t it? I’ve also gone on a walk everyday this week. Mostly because I’ve been caring for a dog, but the walks have been really beneficial for my health too. These walks also get me to spend more time in nature, with the turning orange, yellow, and red leaves in the beautiful fall of Colorado and mountain backdrops. I’ve also said no to things I have not wanted to do, and communicated a clear boundary to my new roommate.

Well what do you know? I’m feeling inspired now. There is beauty in the full truth! Even though I have not done every detail of my goals as I outlined, it’s like the goals are naturally doing me. I haven’t needed to plan the creativity of the poems that are just coming to me, or the walks, or the communication of boundaries and saying no. They have just happened.  I’m glad I came on here to write anyways and gave myself the opportunity to be inspired!

Next week I’m inspiration captain and it feels like it is much needed for me to be in the role. I’m committing to sharing the powerful ass poem I wrote on video through the chat tomorrow! Wahhhhh! Also here’s some picture from one of my walks. Enjoy 🙂

Reconnecting

This is my first blog post in cycle 11; I plan on re-establishing integrity with everyone shortly, via email. However, I wanted to share what’s been going on with me and why I’ve been absent. I’ve been very stressed and have had a lot going on the last month. I left my job and started a new one. My resignation and departure from my previous job was tumultuous and left me feeling incomplete in several ways. I’m very grateful because since I started my new job in a hospital last week, it has been going very well, thus far. We’ve just concluded the back-to-back Jewish holidays, traveling to be with family. I met my boyfriend’s parents for the first time (we’ve been together 16 months)- which went very well. My boyfriend and I are planning on moving in together in January, and while exciting, it has also been bringing various things to the surface, necessitating discussion, arguments and emotions. Talking about the future can cause some tension. I’m currently in a fight with my mother, because she chooses to be unsupportive and cold, and this makes me angry and sad. In addition to my mom, Andrew and I are getting a lot of pressure put on us from other family members, as well. Financial concerns, trying to spend quality time with my boo, being under-the-weather, trying to maintain friendships and family relationships, trying to get enough sleep and time for self-care, can be exhausting. As I noted on my third weekend almost 2 years ago, I am my own worst enemy, and I’ve completely turned inwards and have not reached out for support (because I don’t even know what I need). I shut down when I feel overwhelmed. And being PSPLife has been a part of that too, until now. End ‘story.’

In terms of my PSP goals, I have completed my first 30-day Isagenix weight loss challenge and have lost almost 7 lbs. and 13 inches. While this is less than what I wanted to lose (i.e. 12-15 lbs for the first 30 days), I am NOT beating myself up, since I faced multiple challenges this month, with the Jewish holidays, family bar mitzvah, a wedding, going away gatherings for my old job, etc. I did order my supplies for the next 30-day challenge, and will determine when I’m starting this week! While I have not been tracking all of my meals consistently in MyFitnessPal, I do use it sometimes and have been making fairly wise choices when it comes to food. A lot of my cravings have gone away. And I’m proud of the discipline I’ve shown and saying “no, thank you” to various goodies, alcohol, food, etc.

For my exercise goal, I haven’t been in action enough. I did go to yoga once last week, but missed the week prior. I did one day of exercise on the 8Fit app (10 min) but have not been consistent about the 4x/week. My head is my biggest challenge- getting the motivation to push myself to work out, even if I have limited time (that’s the point of this goal!).

I look forward to seeing what I can create in the next 4 days, until I blog again, on time!